Today I had my second workout with Hyam. I'm about 5 hours post workout right now so I'm still up and moving, though I have a feeling tomorrow I may not be quite so fortunate. Again, however, I will say that my attitude is in a really good place and though it wasn't easy I know I'm working my ass off - and that feels incredible!
My friend Laura will be working out with Hyam and I for the month of May. She is actually the one who introduced me to Clay Fitness (thank you, Laura). While I think she is absolutely gorgeous and doesn't need to lose a single pound (and those who know her would agree) my perception isn't what matters. She's turning 40 this weekend and is ready to - as she said - get her body back.
After the workout (while waiting for my arms to stop shaking) we chatted about what we are doing and why. And though we are in different places when it comes to our weight, body image, etc. we both agreed on something - we want to look good.
The premise of this journey - and why I'm calling it "Finding Amy" - is that I am searching for the me that is hiding under all these "layers" - layers of fat, layers of clothing, and definitely layers of psychological damage. I am cognizant of the fact that this is going to be an emotional journey as well as a physical one (I do have a B.A. in psychology, afterall).
Maybe I haven't been so honest, however, about the more vain side of this. It's true - I want to look good. Not so that I can meet some hot guy or so some social clique accepts me like I may have in my youth, but because I like looking good. I love clothes - especially good ones. But at my size I can't wear most of what I love because they don't fit me or I just don't feel comfortable in them. Strappy little sundresses? With these boobs? Yeah, right! Skinny jeans? Only with a sweater that covers my mid-section and my butt. And swimsuits? Now that Spanx started making them, maybe.
So there you have it folks. The journey has begun and I'm laying all my cards out on the table. I'm in this for a major change both outside and in. The few steps I've taken in the right direction so far have been good ones - but there are many more ahead of me.