I threatened to post some pics awhile back but my insecurities got the best of me. Now that I am unofficially 12 pounds down I am, actually, even LESS willing to do so. Why? Because I feel like I've been working my ass off and don't really look that different. A few people have commented on how they can see it in my face (thank you friends!) and one of my sweet daughters recently said 'I can tell your boobs are smaller." (really?) but all in all I don't see much of a change.
But I realized I had to get over my shame real quickly when Hyam had a photographer in the studio a few weeks ago taking pics for her website and an ad in a local publication. As incredible as she is (check her out here) - she couldn't hide the fact that I am, well, still fat. It was tough to look at - really tough. Hyam did remind us to look at how strong we are and to be proud of what we're doing - which I am - but I can't deny that it was nearly impossible to get my eyes to move past the huge ring around my stomach.
So, since the photos are going to be public I thought I'd fess up to the truth now. Photos don't lie, right? Below you'll find a few chronological photos from the past few years to the past few months. There is truly only about 1 photo of me for every 200 we have in our files because 1) I'm always behind the camera and 2) I've not wanted to be in any pictures because of my weight. I'm trying to let go of the second one, but it's not easy.
Despite the obvious I was in major denial about my weight until I saw how awful I looked in this photo. I was mortifed when we got back from this trip and saw it staring back at me. How had I not seen this in the mirror?
Nothing like standing next to your gorgeous, skinny family to remind you of how fat you are! I lost a few pounds before this trip - knowing I'd have to be with them - but my priorities got out of whack not too long after our return - and so did my weight.
So let me first say that this picture is horrendous and makes me look even worse than I really looked at the time. I used it here because - how could I not? I look like a beast. It's one year later and I've managed to not just gain everything back but to actually exceed my former max capacity. It was this vacation that finally got me thinking about true change. (And no, I'm not passed out, just taking a little nap on the beach...with a margarita in my hand...)
I met Hyam shortly after that last beach trip. About one month later I am 5 pounds down. I appear very happy about it in this picture - and I am. I'm feeling good, sleeping and can see changes already.
10 pounds down. Though the pounds aren't falling off quite as quickly as I'd like them to I see and feel changes every day. I'm still big, but a little smaller - and much stronger - than I was just a few months ago. Interesting how photos can show you not only how far you've come, but also how far you have to go...