I often hear comments from people who knew me as a teenager who read this blog like "I had no idea you struggled with your weight so much" or "I never knew you had such an issue with your self-esteem." Though my performance as "Airport Announcer #1" in the White Bear Lake Area Central Junior High School production of "Central Follies 1987" would give you the impression otherwise, I am apparently, quite a good actress.
It's well known that someone who appears overly confident is often quite insecure on the inside. Bullies, for example, are often the most insecure people around. While I was definitely never a bully (nor am I now), I learned when I was young to mask my insecurities by expressing outward confidence. Somehow my successes didn't convince me, however, that I had reasons to be confident and I never quite felt good enough. I struggle with this still today, but I've definitely learned just how fortunate I am.
Every time I look in my daughters' eyes I realize how blessed I am and it inspires me to keep this journey moving along. Not because of a desire to be skinny (though let's be real, of course I want to look good!) but because I want to be strong and healthy (inside and out) and be a good role model for them. I want that confidence that I exude to be as real as the innocence on their faces and the love I feel for them in my heart. And I'm getting there, one step at a time.