EAT! Part I

A few months ago I started working with Tracey from EAT!  Even though I was working out fairly consistently (which we now know fell apart completely over the summer) I knew that if I really wanted to conquer my weight issues I was going to have to make some serious changes to my diet. Not go on "a diet" but change what I eat - forever.

You may recall my first foray with Tracey back in the spring when I did her Cleanse and Reboot program. Not only did I lose 8 pounds in three weeks I learned some really valuable lessons about how what I eat makes me feel.  It's not rocket science, of course - if you eat better, healthier foods you feel better. But I honestly had no idea how all the processed foods I was eating - presumably to keep me going - were sapping my energy, screwing with my insides, messing up my sleep patterns and sabotaging my weight loss.

Shortly after the Cleanse, after going back to my old ways, I hit a plateau.  Exercise wasn't taking the pounds off like it had and I was getting frustrated real quickly.  Before things got too out of hand I decided to hire Tracey on for a full year to help get me on track and keep me that way.  I knew from experience that actually practicing good habits would much more difficult than it seemed and, quite frankly, I needed some forced accountability.  I had learned so much from Tracey during the cleanse that I knew working with her would be a major help in my success.

So we met and chatted about all of my food and weight issues (yes, it was a long meeting).  Tracey is really good at what she does and I feel like she really gets me so I walked out of that meeting feeling completely motivated, energized and ready to conquer the world.  Until a week later when life got in the way again - as it always does - and I went crashing down into a bowl of ice cream.

Summer came and things never got quite to that place of calm that I had planned for in May.  It seemed there was never enough time to get the basic things done - let alone the "extra" stuff - you know, like taking care of myself.    Vacations put both of us out of town on different weeks so we weren't able to meet consistently and before I knew it my eating was spinning out of control and my alcohol intake was back to where it was BC (Before Clay).  Suddenly July was almost over and I hadn't change a darn thing (well, except for the worse).  Which brings us to August....

The Summer That Wasn't

Remember me?  I don't blame you if you don't.  The last post I had on here was in July, which even I can barely believe.  But I'm back in full force and plan on inundating you with the ups and downs of my search (no, I still don't think I've truly found Amy yet!) and before you know you will once again be thinking "Wow, that girl has too much to say!"

The bad news is, it was a tough summer.  The good news is, I'm back on track.  

I started the summer with great intentions.  I hired a nanny three days a week that would free me from the 60+ minutes of driving the girls across town to swim team once (and sometimes twice) a day.  This (in theory) would, in turn, give me more time to work, exercise and get our lives organized while still allowing me some fun summer time with the girls.  And while the nanny was, indeed, fabulous, I apparently needed a lot more than 3 days a week to get my shit together because it's September and, quite frankly, I'm no further along than I was in June.

As my work demands increased so did Courtney's and even though good things were happening for both of us (check me out with Sherry Taylor on Z95.1 on Thursday & Friday mornings!) I started to fall apart.

When August hit I found myself in a pretty deep state of depression.  I'd allowed myself to gain back 1/3 of the weight I'd lost, was eating my way through my stress and had been to class so infrequently that I was almost afraid to go back again.  The prescription to my anitidepressants had expired and I had neglected to schedule the necessary appointment with my doctor so I was now unmedicated, as well.  It wasn't pretty.

Between then and now I've had a lot of moments that lead me to getting back on track. The e-mails from Hyam - meetings with Tracey - my doctor's warnings  - and yes, even the arrival of my 20th High School Reunion. But the one that was bigger than all of the above was internal.  I felt so good in so many ways when I was taking care of myself and I wasn't ready to give that up.  I needed it back.

Fortunately our bodies are resilient and our muscles have memory because though it's been a tough few weeks back at the studio I can already feel it coming back together.  I plan to take this blog in a slightly different direction over the next few months - still focusing on all the ups and downs of my journey - but also as a way to keep myself accountable.  I will be telling you probably more than you want to know about what I'm eating, how much (or little!) I'm exercising and where I end up as a result of that because I've found that it's easy to lie to myself about why I'm eating that fourth chocolate chip cookie ("It's the weekend - you deserve it!) but it's impossible for me to lie to all of you!

Stay tuned....

Oh, and the flamingo at the top of the page? It's a long story - and one my sister would be happy to tell you IF she could control her laughter.  The short of it is that it's a symbol to me that I can conquer my fears and insecurities if I try - sometimes I just need to be reminded. And yes, that does mean I once had a fear of flamingoes.