The New 30

I may have forgotten to mention this, but I turned 40 last month. Yep, the big 4-0! I honestly thought I'd be more freaked out about it than I was. I mean, this is 40 after all - I'm old now, right?

That is what I thought when I was 30, but now I keep hearing "40 is the new 30" so it must not be all that bad. To be honest, I'm crossing my fingers that 40 is nothing like 30. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't an entirely bad time, but I remember that birthday like it was yesterday for a reason. 

We were in Denver for a visit and the Spicy Chicken organized a surprise party for me at Wazee Supper Club (one of my faves).  My parents and sister completed the surprise by showing up in a limo (from Minnesota!) and all of my best Colorado friends and family were there. Sounds wonderful, right? And it was. The part I'm leaving out, however, is that what I left behind when that limo showed up was an 8 month old baby who cried 24/7, wouldn't take a bottle at all and refused to be held by anyone but me (not even her father). I couldn't remember the last time I slept more than a few hours at a time because she had horrible reflux, could only sleep sitting up and did I mention she wouldn't let anyone else hold her but me? Oh - and I had a two and a half year old who was completely angelic but had a bowel obstruction that sometimes caused her to get so constipated she'd throw up. I wasn't working at the time, which you'd think would be a good thing, but was a major source of stress for me. Do I want to go back to work? What will people think if I don't? What will people think if I do? How will we pay the mortgage if I don't? How will we pay for daycare if I do?????

It was a really uncertain time for me, shrouded by insecurity and an obsession with what others though of me. Couple that with a really bad haircut (what going on there, anyway?), clinical depression and an immense struggle to lose the rest of that pregnancy weight and I was a hot mess!

This isn't to say that I don't have some of those same issues at 40. I'm still struggling to lose that pregnancy weight (what? It's only been 10 years...) and I can't claim I've really figured out the whole career/mom thing yet, but I've definitely learned that my choices  and decisions are just that - MINE - and what others think of them really doesn't matter. Add that to the fact that Katie finally takes a bottle....and 40 is looking pretty damn good!

(PS I apologize to the person who took this picture - I can't remember where I found it)