Every once and awhile I mention my job as Editor and Owner of SuzySaid Charlottesville and the news segment Jason Hull and I do on CBS19 - C'ville Plugged In. I don't post about it a lot, however, because that really isn't the purpose behind this blog and I don't want to seem like a shameless self-promoter (which I guess is ironic, as what else is a blog about yourself if it's not shameless self-promoting!?!). Earlier this week, however, I was reminded of how connected this "journey" is with the rest of my world.
A few weeks back I was interviewed on WINA's Real Life with Jennifer Till radio show. When asked about how I maintain balance with such a busy life I naturally stated that exercise was key. I couldn't say this without mentioning Hyam, of course, and even went so far as to say "It's totally changed my life." (being on the spot like that isn't as easy as it's seems). I texted Hyam after the show and said I hoped she didn't mind the dramatic nature of that statement because it sounds like one of those things that people just say, but I really meant it.
Being stronger and thinner has done so much more for me than make my clothes fit better (or worse, as they are now too big!). It's changed the way I carry myself, my self-esteem, my relationships with people and even the way I do my job.
As I was leaving the the Newsplex the other night Jim Hanchett remarked that I was doing a great job with the segment. This meant a lot to me because, as you all know, television work is not my regular thing, and I admittedly started out a little shaky on camera (okay, a lot shaky). This was partially because it was new to me - I'm a writter, not a tv reporter - but mostly it was the result of my fear of having to be seen. Being behind the computer the past few years made it easy for me to hide my weight issues. When Marijean asked if I'd consider taking her spot when she stepped down I was honored, thrilled at what a great opportunity it would be and scared out of my mind. Not so much because I didn't think I could handle it, but rather because I'd have to come out from hiding behind the computer now. What if people saw me and thought "That fat cow is SuzySaid???" What if they were disappointed?
For the first few months I never watched myself because it hurt to see how big I was (and yes, the camera really does add 10 pounds - you'd be amazed at how skinny those reporters are in real life!). Recently, however, I decided I needed to dedicate a little more of my time to making those 3 minutes I have on screen as good as they can be - and that meant facing myself.
It's not easy to see yourself on tv. Even watching last week's segment was difficult and it was one of my better one's to date. I've lost 20 pounds since I started the show, however, though my confidence is nowhere near it's peak, it's much higher than it was 6 months ago. Even my posture exudes a feeling that wasn't there in the beginning. I still look like disheveled cow sitting next to Tiffani Sargent, of course, but there aren't too many people who wouldn't look bad next to her.
And while I'm sure you all watch my segment ritualistically here it is just in case you missed one when it changed from Tuesday to Wednesday last night. Who knows, you might even learn something!