The Summer That Wasn't

Remember me?  I don't blame you if you don't.  The last post I had on here was in July, which even I can barely believe.  But I'm back in full force and plan on inundating you with the ups and downs of my search (no, I still don't think I've truly found Amy yet!) and before you know you will once again be thinking "Wow, that girl has too much to say!"

The bad news is, it was a tough summer.  The good news is, I'm back on track.  

I started the summer with great intentions.  I hired a nanny three days a week that would free me from the 60+ minutes of driving the girls across town to swim team once (and sometimes twice) a day.  This (in theory) would, in turn, give me more time to work, exercise and get our lives organized while still allowing me some fun summer time with the girls.  And while the nanny was, indeed, fabulous, I apparently needed a lot more than 3 days a week to get my shit together because it's September and, quite frankly, I'm no further along than I was in June.

As my work demands increased so did Courtney's and even though good things were happening for both of us (check me out with Sherry Taylor on Z95.1 on Thursday & Friday mornings!) I started to fall apart.

When August hit I found myself in a pretty deep state of depression.  I'd allowed myself to gain back 1/3 of the weight I'd lost, was eating my way through my stress and had been to class so infrequently that I was almost afraid to go back again.  The prescription to my anitidepressants had expired and I had neglected to schedule the necessary appointment with my doctor so I was now unmedicated, as well.  It wasn't pretty.

Between then and now I've had a lot of moments that lead me to getting back on track. The e-mails from Hyam - meetings with Tracey - my doctor's warnings  - and yes, even the arrival of my 20th High School Reunion. But the one that was bigger than all of the above was internal.  I felt so good in so many ways when I was taking care of myself and I wasn't ready to give that up.  I needed it back.

Fortunately our bodies are resilient and our muscles have memory because though it's been a tough few weeks back at the studio I can already feel it coming back together.  I plan to take this blog in a slightly different direction over the next few months - still focusing on all the ups and downs of my journey - but also as a way to keep myself accountable.  I will be telling you probably more than you want to know about what I'm eating, how much (or little!) I'm exercising and where I end up as a result of that because I've found that it's easy to lie to myself about why I'm eating that fourth chocolate chip cookie ("It's the weekend - you deserve it!) but it's impossible for me to lie to all of you!

Stay tuned....

Oh, and the flamingo at the top of the page? It's a long story - and one my sister would be happy to tell you IF she could control her laughter.  The short of it is that it's a symbol to me that I can conquer my fears and insecurities if I try - sometimes I just need to be reminded. And yes, that does mean I once had a fear of flamingoes.