Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Confidence



I often hear comments from people who knew me as a teenager who read this blog like "I had no idea you struggled with your weight so much" or "I never knew you had such an issue with your self-esteem."  Though my performance as "Airport Announcer #1" in the White Bear Lake Area Central Junior High School production of "Central Follies 1987" would give you the impression otherwise, I am apparently, quite a good actress.

It's well known that someone who appears overly confident is often quite insecure on the inside.  Bullies, for example, are often the most insecure people around.  While I was definitely never a bully (nor am I now), I learned when I was young to mask my insecurities by expressing outward confidence. Somehow my successes didn't convince me, however, that I had reasons to be confident and I never quite felt good enough.  I struggle with this still today, but I've definitely learned just how fortunate I am.

Every time I look in my daughters' eyes I realize how blessed I am and it inspires me to keep this journey moving along.  Not because of a desire to be skinny (though let's be real, of course I want to look good!) but because I want to be strong and healthy (inside and out) and be a good role model for them.  I want that confidence that I exude to be as real as the innocence on their faces and the love I feel for them in my heart.  And I'm getting there, one step at a time.  

2 comments:

  1. Having been going through the same thing, I understand. You're doing such a great job!

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  2. Amy, Your ability to write from a very genuine place makes what you have to say that much more appealing. I have shared your blog with many girlfriends, please keep up the wonderful writing.

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