Muscle Weighs More Than Fat

Before you get all literal on me, let me say that I do realize that a pound of muscle weighs the same as a pound of fat - just like a pound of feathers weighs the same as a pound of bricks, etc. I get it.  Just read on -  I promise it will make more sense. Or at least I hope so.

I received the following text from my friend Laurel a few weeks ago:

"Was just looking at some pics from early in 2013 and you have lost so much weight! You know I've always thought you looked great, but I know how hard you've been working and it has really paid off!"

Immediately after sending her a response informing her that she was the BEST FRIEND EVER, I hopped on the scale to see that I'd lost...wait for it....five pounds. Yes, a whopping five pounds over the past three months. Woo-f'ing-hoo. 

So when Fairview opened this week and I was forced to be out in public in my bathing suit I was feeling pretty insecure.  I know, I know, I'm forty years old and should be over this shit by now, but being okay with your body doesn't happen overnight (or apparently over 40 years). 

But then the strangest thing happened.  Three different people, on three different occasions complimented me on how great I looked.  I, of course, ran home on all three occasions to hop on the scale.  I had, after all, been working even harder than usual, taking four classes per week at Clay several times in the past month.  Certainly I'd lost something significant since the last time I stepped on the scale, right?  

Wrong.

Two more freaking pounds.  

I won't lie to you - I was feeling super discouraged. Thoughts like "Why am I doing this if it isn't making a difference?" and "I really want a Hot Fudge Brownie Sundae from Dairy Queen RIGHT NOW!" went racing through my mind. That's where I am used to going to - the negative, "might-as-well-give-up", place.  Flashback, however, to the beginning of this post.  If people are noticing - and being nice enough to say something to be about it - it must actually be making a difference.  My appearance is changing, even if the numbers on the scale aren't.  I'm replacing fat with muscle (duh!). Often it's hard to see those types of changes on your own body - especially when you're used to looking at it with such a critical eye.  The numbers on the scale are tangible - factual - objective.  Whittling waistlines are intangible - abstract - subjective. I'm a science geek, A theory is just a theory unless it can be proven as fact, right?

So here's where I stand today.  Time to get over myself.  No, I'm not bikini-ready. But that wasn't ever my goal was it? Since I started on this "journey" I've always claimed I wanted to be stronger, healthier, better (physically and psychologically). Then that, my friends, is where I need to focus! 

There are actual, tangible, ways for me to assess whether or not I am achieving my "stronger, healthier, better" goals, as well.  At Clay I can do an Assessment, which will measure not just my weight, but my percentage body fat, and several physical tasks that I have done in the past.  I can compare what I was able to do 6 months ago with what I can do now.  I'm fairly certain that I will be able to run hard, faster, and longer than before - do ball squats for way longer than I had in the past - and push-ups? Going to knock those babies out of the park! Guess it's time to schedule that thing, huh?

Another way for me to assess if I am physically healthier is at the doctor's office. I'm fairly sure my cholesterol and blood pressure have improved over the past year. Sure, they're going to weigh me, too, but if I dress just right (I still have my teeny, tiny 'weigh-in underwear' from my Weight Watchers days!) the results just might be in my favor.  And if not, well, I will call Laurel and ask her to tell me how great I look. Aren't friends wonderful? 

There are ways to measure psychological improvement too, but I think we'll save that one for another day...

Excuses Excuses

Last night I ran in to a friend I hadn't seen in awhile.  "Are you still blogging?" she asked.  My immediate inclination was to say "YES!" because in my head I blog all the time (a phenomenon that only those who write will understand) and if you could come behind the scenes here at "Finding Amy...Again" you'd see that I've written plenty of posts (they all just happen to still be in Draft form).  

The actuality, of course, is that I've not posted anything here for over a month so the honest (and embarrassing) answer I had to give was "No, not really."  I followed it up, however, by an equally honest (and equally embarrassing) response of "But I'm going to get back into it soon... I'm revamping it so that it looks better and reaches more people...blah blah blah."

This is sounds vaguely famiiar doesn't it? I've said it here before and I've definitely said it in relation to my weight loss/health/journey. And while I feel bad about it, this is how life goes sometimes.  Parts of your life sometimes give way to other parts of your life. While the truth is that  my plans really have been to change and improve the blog, I haven't had much time to dedicate to it or my health lately.  And, the blog revamp, like the health journey, takes time and dedication to be successful.  But...now that I am unemployed (by choice, more on that later....) I will have lots of time to do it and I can't wait to really make all aspects of this work.

In the meantime I will be right here working on editing all those Draft Posts  (and deleting a few) as the stories of my summer weight gain will be easily overshadowed by the emotional eating I succumbed to over the holidays.  So stay tuned for the roll out of our new look which I hope to roll out upon my 39th birthday -  have seriously big plans for positive change in my 40th year! 

EAT! Part I

A few months ago I started working with Tracey from EAT!  Even though I was working out fairly consistently (which we now know fell apart completely over the summer) I knew that if I really wanted to conquer my weight issues I was going to have to make some serious changes to my diet. Not go on "a diet" but change what I eat - forever.

You may recall my first foray with Tracey back in the spring when I did her Cleanse and Reboot program. Not only did I lose 8 pounds in three weeks I learned some really valuable lessons about how what I eat makes me feel.  It's not rocket science, of course - if you eat better, healthier foods you feel better. But I honestly had no idea how all the processed foods I was eating - presumably to keep me going - were sapping my energy, screwing with my insides, messing up my sleep patterns and sabotaging my weight loss.

Shortly after the Cleanse, after going back to my old ways, I hit a plateau.  Exercise wasn't taking the pounds off like it had and I was getting frustrated real quickly.  Before things got too out of hand I decided to hire Tracey on for a full year to help get me on track and keep me that way.  I knew from experience that actually practicing good habits would much more difficult than it seemed and, quite frankly, I needed some forced accountability.  I had learned so much from Tracey during the cleanse that I knew working with her would be a major help in my success.

So we met and chatted about all of my food and weight issues (yes, it was a long meeting).  Tracey is really good at what she does and I feel like she really gets me so I walked out of that meeting feeling completely motivated, energized and ready to conquer the world.  Until a week later when life got in the way again - as it always does - and I went crashing down into a bowl of ice cream.

Summer came and things never got quite to that place of calm that I had planned for in May.  It seemed there was never enough time to get the basic things done - let alone the "extra" stuff - you know, like taking care of myself.    Vacations put both of us out of town on different weeks so we weren't able to meet consistently and before I knew it my eating was spinning out of control and my alcohol intake was back to where it was BC (Before Clay).  Suddenly July was almost over and I hadn't change a darn thing (well, except for the worse).  Which brings us to August....

February Already?

Wow - has it really been two weeks since I last posted?  Time flies when you're having fun! Not surprisingly life has been pretty hectic lately.  With two busy kids, my own company and the Spicy Chicken traveling every week I somehow feel like the week is over before it even starts!  

That said, I've really been trying to make time for my workouts while squeezing in a little time with friends, which leaves little left for blogging.  I have a ton of posts in my head or on scratch paper, but none of them seem to make it here lately.  

So, here's a quick update.  

I started running again and am almost back to the point where I enjoy it. The weather has been pretty good (we've been SO lucky this year, knock on wood) so I haven't had that as an excuse. My shins started bothering me when I got back to 3 miles but via a fortunate twist of fate I foresee relief in the near future. I've been asked by two local foot and ankle specialists to be the subject of their blog while training for the Charlottesville Half Marathon. (Yes, I have crazily but officially committed to that!). They are hoping to show people how doable running is (and really it is) and how these nagging injuries can be combated with appropriate care.  I'm really excited with working with these people and know that it will totally help me reach my goals!


My kids have been struck by illness after illness (and few broken bones) so I've missed more of Hyam's classes than I'd like to. I feel it in many different ways on a week when my class attendance has been low. My stress levels are definitely higher (I cannot say enough how much of a stress reliever exercise is for me), my energy levels are lower, and I definitely feel yuckier on the inside (yes, yuckier is a technical term). It never ceases to amaze me how much better my food choices are when I'm exercising consistently, too.  Go figure.


I've lost a few pounds over the past few weeks but they seem to creep back up every time I even think about overeating.  This has been a tough plateau and I'm hoping that increasing my mileage (and getting everyone healthy again!) will help me get over it.


We're heading to NYC for a few days this weekend and then the Spicy Chicken and I are off to Panama a few days after that. Though I don't think I will be sporting a bikini quite yet (who am kidding, I'll never sport a bikini again!) I will be a little less self-conscious on the beach this year and I'm really looking forward to that!

Derailed

One of the hard parts about writing like this is that you 

have to admit when you're struggling... 

I've gotten a little off track the past few weeks.  I have a million excuses as to why (marriage, kids, dogs, friends, work, life, commitments, laziness....) but in reality none of them really matter.  These things will always be there in some way, and unless I find a way to work around them my weight problem will always be with me, too. 

I've spent hours justifying to myself that donut that I ate at Carter Mountain today - the class I missed last week for a work meeting - and the extra cocktail (or two) I had during the UVA game...  What it comes down to, however  is that if I truly want to change I have to keep my priorities straight - with with my health coming first.  I lost track of that a few years back and look where that got me.

I've even found myself thinking "Well, I've only gained back a few pounds..." Only a few pounds???  It took me weeks to lose those pounds!  Plus, it's SO much more than that.  I have no energy, I'm not sleeping well, and I feel all around crappier than I have in months.  How in the world did I Iet this happen? It's pretty easy, actually, which is why I need to stop myself RIGHT NOW. 

So, I'm vowing today to get back on track.  I promise to:

1. Not miss any more classes with Hyam this program 
2. Start logging my food intake on a regular basis
3. Limit alcohol consumption 
4. Make my health and fitness a top priority in my life, and
5. Get off this plateau and back on track!

It feels good just to say it - 

imagine how great it will be when I do it! 

Little Mountains

Sorry for the brief hiatus. Truthfully I took the first few days off because I got hurt and was feeling sort of discouraged.  While I realize this is part of the process, I didn't want to get on here and sound all whiny and downtrodden.  A few more days passed then and I found it difficult to get back on here because, well, I'm definitely not Charlottesville's Biggest Loser...YET.

I haven't weighed myself on Hyam's scale, which is the one I'm "officially" going off of, but if my scale is anywhere near right I've managed to lose all of 5 pounds in the month that I've been doing this.  So my "number" is 35 right now. Kind of discouraging, huh?  I'll admit that I feel that way from time to time.  Fortunately I've got Hyam and my other fabulous friends lifting me up when I need it, as well as telling me to get off my ass when I need to hear that (and trust me, I need to hear it!).  


On Tuesday Hyam suggested that instead of thinking about all of the things that I'm NOT doing it might be better to "build little mountains" for myself of the things that I AM doing.  I like the thought of bragging on myself a little so here we go...


Gone is the "I'm on vacation" excuse for overeating on the weekend. Eliminated is the eating in the middle of the night (I'm doing this crazy thing called sleeping at night instead). Soda is almost completely a thing of the past (save a Coke Zero once and awhile).  And though my lazy eating still has a long way to go to be considered a "significant change" I'm definitely more cognizant of what I'm putting in my body than I've ever been. The alcohol? Let's just say it's down, but not out.


The lesson from all of this is that things are moving in the right direction even if it's not in classic "Biggest Loser" style.  There are some days when I bring it in a big way - and feel like nothing in the world can get in my way.  Then, however, something does and it's easy to flop backwards.  But the little mountains are getting bigger every day - and eventually will become big ones, I know it.


And while we're on the subject of mountains and peaks...the only thing on my body that seems to be shrinking are my boobs. Go figure.