Finding Amy...Again

The Finish Line

2012-02-02T10:51:00.000-05:00

It is taking everything in my power not to climb back into bed this morning. It's rainy, gloomy and there's a mountain of laundry staring back at me. Oh, and then there's that whole funeral thing...

Many of you know that my dear friend Chrissy passed away earlier this week after a long, hard-fought battle with cancer. Needless to say, it's been a tough week. It's actually been a tough couple of months as Chrissy, true to her self, battled hard against this disease even when it was raging through her entire body, refusing to let go until she was ready. That's our girl. If there was one thing you could say about Chrissy it was that she was strong. And stubborn...And smart...And beautiful...And amazing...

We were extremely fortunate that Chrissy's family opened their home to us during the last few days of her life. Our friends spent every moment possible with them from the time she fell into a coma until she took her final breaths. We took turns sitting by her bedside all weekend long. My girlfriends and I were able to hang out with her for hours, talking about our memories with her, giving her the lowdown on what was going on in our lives, telling her how much we loved her and how proud we were of her and assuring her that it was okay for her to let go now. She didn't like that last one, of course, and occasionally let us know about it with a long, hard sigh that sometimes sounded like "Noooo!"

These are conversations you never really expect to have with a friend at my age - Chrissy was just 41. I will miss my friend immensely - the way she got things done when nobody else could - the way she smiled - the way she wasn't afraid to take on anything (including cancer and the greased watermelon contest at the club!). My sadness, however, is much greater for her family than myself. If the pain in my heart is this great, theirs must be unimaginable. I don't doubt her husband's ability to handle things, but I weep for the fact that he has to. And I know her kids will not only survive, they will excel (these are Chrissy's kids, after all) but I ache because she won't be there to see it.

Chrissy was a great athlete and had a love for running that, hard as I try, I will never have. Even when cancer was trying to beat her down, she'd don her running shoes and push herself as far as her body allowed. I promised I'd take her with me when I cross the finish line at the C'ville Ten Miler - even if it means I have to crawl!

In Chrissy's memory I will be doing the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in Colorado June 23-24, the Susan G. Komen 3-Day in Washington D.C. October 12-14 and, of course, the Women's 4 Miler (as my friends have done for years). While I know it won't change Chrissy's fate my hope is that it will change that of someone else.

We miss you so much Chrissy, but you will always and forever be in our hearts. I have no doubt that you are already up in heaven seeking out a position on the Board of Directors, organizing a Sweet Adelines Chapter, and showing the boys a thing or two on the volleyball court. I know you will have things whipped into shape by the time we get there. In the meantime we will try to uphold your legacy down here (but if you're expecting me to get the FV BOD Minutes out in a timely fashion you might be waiting awhile). I will see you at the Finish Line.

Pumped Up Kicks

2012-01-25T09:58:00.000-05:00

It's not a secret that "a few of my favorite things" are cheese, bread, chocolate, wine and shoes. Since I'm attempting to minimize the time I spend with the first four on that list I was pretty jazzed about the prospect of getting some new shoes last week.

Truth be told, the salesman probably could've given me any pair at any price point and I would've been thrilled, but luckily at Ragged Mountain Running Shop I not only was blessed with a ~~really cute~~ knowledgable salesperson, but one that I knew wasn't going to take advantage of my desperate state. Since I've been really happy with the Adidas Supernova Glide for the past few years (especially since getting my orthotics from Blue Ridge Foot and Ankle) we decided to stay with that. "But," he smiled at me, "I think we have the brand new model for you."

Waiting for him to come out from the backroom felt like an eternity. I was like a little kid on Christmas - giddy, giggling and grinning from ear to ear. Recalling now what happened next I am somewhat mortified, but remember, I really love shoes. So when he opened the box my response went something like this:

"Oh, they're so pretty and shiny! Ummm...I mean, they look fast."

Pretty, aren't they? And shiny too!

Oh No I Didn't

2012-01-20T13:26:00.004-05:00

Oh yes I did!

I not only ordered, but actually drank a entire
Starbucks Grande Caramel Frappuccino

WTH was I thinking???

So here's how it happened. I started the day with eggs, whole wheat toast and a small glass of orange juice. I've found that kicking off the day with a fair amount of protein keeps me going all morning and is helpful on days when I have a substatial workout planned (today is a "Long Run" day). We usually load our eggs up with veggies but we were running late and low on options (today is also Whole Foods day) so they were pretty naked.

For some reason (lack of veggies?) around 11 o'clock I was dragging so I popped in to Starbucks for a cup of coffee. I still had a few errands to run before heading home for lunch so thought a little caffeine wouldn't hurt - especially with that Long Run ahead of me. I don't do Starbucks often, but when I do I usually just have Tall Skinny Latte (I did live in Seattle for four years). However, when I got to the front of the line what came out of my mouth was

"Could I have a Grande Caramel Frappucino please?"

Before I knew it I handed over an exorbitant amount of money and was walking out with a cup full of sugar, coffee and ice, topped with...whipped cream!!

I honestly have never ordered one of these things before because not only I am fully aware of how many calories and fat grams just one of them contains (410 and 15, respectively), but I've always assumed they'd taste so damn sweet and wonderful that the sugar addict in me would want more. (Avoidance isn't always a bad tactic). But today some section of my brain - the sabotage section maybe? - jumped in and took over. And there it was, in my hand. What else could I do besides drink it?

So, here it is in writing. I f'd up. What do I do now?

I forgive myself and get right back on track, that's what I do. I eat the nutrient-packed tuna, spinach and red pepper salad I had planned for lunch and enjoy how good healthy can taste. I head out on my run this afternoon and push myself a little harder than I might have had I not overindulged this morning. And...I stay far, far away from Starbucks!

10 Miles

2012-01-17T14:15:00.006-05:00

Well, I did it - I registered for the Charlottesville Ten Miler!

Truth be told I was really hoping to do a half marathon this year, but Hyam and Callie thought given my current maximum distance of much less than 13.1 miles, my propensity for shin splints and the fact that the race is a mere 4 months away it was in my best interest to shoot for the 10-Miler instead.

I'm not going to lie - I was a little disappointed when I heard their idea. I mean - ten miles is a great race but a half marathon? Now that's kick ass.

Nevertheless, I trust them. So at the start of the month I embarked on a new training plan designed to get me to 10 miles by the March 31 race day. The plan incorporates a 10% distance increase each week, as well as the current training I am doing at Clay of one day of each cycling, personal training and athletic training. The days I'm not at Clay I focus on one "Short" run and one "Long" run and two "Rest" days. Wow - that sounds like a helluva lot of training. Who knew I was so bad ass?

Ideally I would be doing yoga or pilates on my "Rest" days. But at this point I feel that getting out of bed on those days is a feat in itself so finding my inner chi is going to have to sit on the backburner for awhile.

Half way through week three of training things are going pretty well. I'm still standing, haven't cried once and as long as I ice, stretch, foam roll and use the "Tiger Tail Rolling Muscle Massager" (love this thing!) religiously my shins don't hurt too much. While I don't think I'll ever be one of those people who loves to run (because I still kinda hate it) I'm up to 3.6 miles and I'm not whining too much yet. Hey, maybe I'll train for a full marathon next year....

Just kidding!

"What Can You Do with 30 Seconds?"

2012-01-16T22:02:00.000-05:00

30 seconds. It's not a long time. Not even a minute, as a matter of fact. But when you've been on a bike for 45 minutes, sweat is dripping from your entire body, and your heart is pumping at 90% of is maximum rate - 30 seconds can feel like an eternity.

Your legs are aching. Your heart is racing. Everything inside of you is telling you that you cannot keep going. Wait. You know this song. It's almost over. You could easily let go right now. What do the last few second matter anyway? You'll just slow down a little....Then you hear Hyam yell:

"30 more seconds - what can you do with it?"

At that moment you have a choice. You could slow down, lighten your load, get a little relief. It's only 30 seconds, right? Or you could dig down deep, find that strength and power you didn't even know you had. It's only 30 seconds, right?

I used to give up on those last 30 seconds. Somewhere along the way, however, I finally got Hyam's message. Those 30 seconds are my chance not just to take my workout to the next level - but to take my life to the next level. And you know what? I'm not going to waste them.

What are you going to do with your 30 seconds?

Take Back

2012-01-06T13:36:00.001-05:00

So it' the New Year! If you are one of the millions of people across the world who - like me - is resolving to make positive changes to your health this year I have an event for you!

On Saturday, January 7, I invite you to seize the opportunity to not only kick-start your health and weight loss goals for 2012 but give back to your community at the same time! If you're in Charlottesville join us between 1:00pm and 4:00pm at EAT! in Belmont for the Take Back 30-Day Challenge (sponsored by Tracey Webber, owner of EAT! and of Ivana Kadija, owner of Yourishment) - your opportunity to TAKE the weight off and give BACK to your community

You can visit the Take Back website at www.takeback.me for complete details but here's the Cliff Notes version to get you started:

Take Back is a 30-day community challenge that costs just $10 - all of which will be donated to a local charity at the end of the program. For that $10 you get an entire month of daily nutritional, exercise and motivational information on losing weight, getting healthy and - most importantly - staying healthy. This information comes from Tracey Webber (whom you've heard me talk lots about) and Ivana Kadija, two amazing local health coaches who wanted to find a way to share their knowledge and expertise to as many people as possible this year.

And added bonus of being in the program is that you will get coupons and discounts to local businesses like Relay Foods, Belvedere Healing Arts, Clay Fitnes & Nutrition, Ragged Mountain Running Shop - and many others who are supporting this great program. So not only will you lose weight this month - you'll actually receive more than you donated!

And...there are prizes! You can sign up as an individual or a team. Individuals are eligible to win great prizes and teams get the ultimate prize of choosing which non-profit receives the donation money at the end of the challenge. I've teamed up with some friends and friends of friends to be on Team Rockstar. If you'd like to join us we'd love to have you - or we're always up for a little friendly competition.

So if you'd like to join me and many others in the community, head on over to www.takeback.me to sign up for the Challenge - and then come kick off in style with us at EAT! at 407-D Monticello Road in Belmont on Saturday, January 7. Sponsors and participating non-profits will be on hand to provide tips, Take Back coupons, and info but mostly it will a fun and inspiring way to kick off a month of taking back your life while giving back to your community!

*For a fabulous article on the Take Back Challenge and what it's REALLY all about visit the Relay Foods Blog - Relay Life.

Excuses Excuses

2011-12-28T14:52:00.002-05:00

Last night I ran in to a friend I hadn't seen in awhile. "Are you still blogging?" she asked. My immediate inclination was to say "YES!" because in my head I blog all the time (a phenomenon that only those who write will understand) and if you could come behind the scenes here at "Finding Amy...Again" you'd see that I've written plenty of posts (they all just happen to still be in Draft form).

The actuality, of course, is that I've not posted anything here for over a month so the honest (and embarrassing) answer I had to give was "No, not really." I followed it up, however, by an equally honest (and equally embarrassing) response of "But I'm going to get back into it soon... I'm revamping it so that it looks better and reaches more people...blah blah blah."

This is sounds vaguely famiiar doesn't it? I've said it here before and I've definitely said it in relation to my weight loss/health/journey. And while I feel bad about it, this is how life goes sometimes. Parts of your life sometimes give way to other parts of your life. While the truth is that my plans really have been to change and improve the blog, I haven't had much time to dedicate to it or my health lately. And, the blog revamp, like the health journey, takes time and dedication to be successful. But...now that I am unemployed (by choice, more on that later....) I will have lots of time to do it and I can't wait to really make all aspects of this work.

In the meantime I will be right here working on editing all those Draft Posts (and deleting a few) as the stories of my summer weight gain will be easily overshadowed by the emotional eating I succumbed to over the holidays. So stay tuned for the roll out of our new look which I hope to roll out upon my 39th birthday - have seriously big plans for positive change in my 40th year!

Friendship

2011-11-24T13:57:00.002-05:00

Last night I went out to dinner with a bunch of girlfriends last night to celebrate the birthday of my friend Marijean. Since some of us hadn't met before we decided to go around the table to tell how we knew the Birthday Girl. When it was my turn it occurred to me that though it wasn't unusal that we had met via a social media seminar - she is, after all, Social Media Queen of Charlottesville (as well as the "First Lady of Pie") - it was surprising that of the women I knew at the table I had met every single one on-line!

Considering my line of work it's not unusual for me to meet people through social media. What I was surprised by, however, was that these women - whom I may never have met if not for Twitter - are now truly some of my greatest friends! And, by the way, these are some really amazing, inspiring women!

This was actually the third in a series of events that transpired this week that had me thinking about the importance of friendships in our lives, as well as how lucky I am to have these relationships.

The first came earlier in the week in the form of a message from my childhood best friend in Minnesota (yep, that's me rockin' the perm in high school!). Jen and I became friends during the first weeks of junior high when I unknowingly started "going with" her former boyfriend. She had words of wisdom for me about him that I took to heart and I have been listening to her ever since.

Her message wasn't anything deep - just a "hey, how are you? Haven't talked to you in awhile" - kind of thing. But it reminded me of a pact she and I made several years back at a time when both of our lives seem to be moving faster than the speed of light. We vowed we'd never apologize - or expect an apology from the other - if what seemed like too much time had passed since we'd last heard from the other. We realized that this happens not because we don't care, but rather because sometimes life just gets in the way. You can do this with a true friend and the best part is - when you do get back in touch it feels like no time has passed at all.

The third came on Saturday while hanging out some girlfriends. One of these friends is battling cancer. While she is an extremely strong woman, the cancer is putting up a good fight. Every day I wonder what big thing I could be doing for her. It occurred to me through our laughter that night that even little things can be pretty big if you take time to stop and enjoy them.

It's easy to get caught up in your own world and let things like friendships fall off. But without these friendships (and the many that I haven't mentioned here) my life wouldn't be complete. I cherish every moment I have with these women - not just because cancer has forced me to recognize that we don't always how many more there will be - but because I know I am truly blessed to have them.

Basic Green Smoothie

2011-11-15T13:40:00.001-05:00

BASIC GREEN SMOOTHIE

1 cup blueberries or strawberries or combination

1 cup kale or spinach

1 banana

1/2 cup ice*

4-8 ounces coconut water**

1 ounce whey protein

*if using frozen berries ice isn't necessary **adjust liquid to your preference***makes 2 large smoothies

This is obviously a really easy recipe that is fairly sweet from the berries and banana. You can go much greener (and less sweet) by omitting the banana and adding in things like celery and other greens. I've tried green apples, mache, arugula, cucumber and watercress with success (though I am personally not a fan of cilantro, avocado, parsley or dandelion greens). Other good options for adding nutrients are things like dates, figs, and various seeds (pumpkin, sunflowers, sesame, etc). I've found that tossing in a tablespoon or two of flax seed is a great addition from a nutrient standpoint without changing the texture or taste. And, if you've thought about adding some omega-3 to your diet but gag at the thought of swallowing those huge fish-oil pills I recommend trying Barleans Omega Swirl. It comes in yummy flavors like berry, orange and lemon that are great additions to a smoothie. But don't tell my kids - they'd die if they knew I was adding fish oil to their breakfast!

Eat! Part 2: The Green Smoothie Challenge

2011-11-14T13:23:00.007-05:00

Since it's taken me so long to get to posting this I will give you the condensed version of the story (which, as you know, is NOT easy for me to do!).

A Quick Recap

When we last met I confessed that I had really let things go over the summer and was feeling pretty yucky, especially considering that my 20 year High School Reunion was coming up. I went to Tracey Webber of EAT! to help me get back on track.

The Challenge

Tracey really got to me about how important getting back on track was not just for my physical health, but my mental health, as well. To do this she suggested making "Green Smoothies" every morning for breakfast. I had tried a few of Tracey's green smoothies during the Cleanse I did with her last spring and was pretty sure I could handle it for a little while, as long as she didn't make me drink the one called the "Blood Transfusion" (recipe here). To help motivate me Tracey vowed to do what we eventually entitled "The Smoothie Challenge" along with me. (Note: the photo above is not actually one of my smoothies but a stock photo. I will post mine once I remember to take photos before drinking!)

Making a smoothie every morning really isn't that hard to do, especially for someone like Tracey who truly lives the life she teaches. Unless, of course, you are heading to the caribbean for a week on vacation with you family, as Tracey was. Did that stop her? Of course not! She literally packed her Blend Tech into her suitcase so that she could make smoothies along with me every day. And she did it! Every day Tracey and I e-mailed what we put in our smoothie that day, how it tasted and how we were feeling. Now that is a dedicated support system!

At the beginning of the week I'd hit Whole Foods and Cville Market for fruit, veggies and box of frozen wheatgrass cubes (expensive but so easy in this form). A basic smoothie would consist of handful or two of some type of green - usually spinach, kale, watercress or mache; some type of frozen berries - usually blueberries, raspberries or strawberries (I'd use fresh if they were in season but out of season froze are cheaper and taste great), coconut water, whey protein powder and some ice. Some of the recipes called for other ingredients like avocado (which I love to eat but found I hated in smoothies), celery, and nuts which I'd add if called for. I also threw plain greek yogurt in quite often because I like the texture (though during the cleanse this isn't allowed). By the end of the week it usually turned into a "Whatever-I-have-Left Smoothies" which, surprisingly, often turned out to be my favorites.

When my reunion (in Minnesota) came around I attempted to maintain the Smoothie Challenge by making one every morning at my parents house. My veggie-loving mom was quick to jump on the bandwagon, but my dad was a little skeptical (surprise, surprise!). We did convince him to try a few of my concoctions, but he drew the line at the ones that "looked like bird poop". I can't blame him, some of them do look pretty disgusting.

Tomorrow I will post a basic recipe for an easy-to-drink-but-still-packed-with-vitamins-green-smoothie, as well as the "Blood Transfusion" smoothie of Tracey's that is so packed with nutrition you will feel like a new person after drinking it (if you can swallow it). I will post a few of my favorite recipes I come up with new favorite combinations as time goes on. Yes, I'm planning on maintaining the smoothie thing into the future, as it's really easy, tastes great and starting your day off with all those nutritients feels really, really awesome (and did I mention it's a great hangover cure???).

EAT! Part I

2011-09-14T09:46:00.002-04:00

A few months ago I started working with Tracey from EAT! Even though I was working out fairly consistently (which we now know fell apart completely over the summer) I knew that if I really wanted to conquer my weight issues I was going to have to make some serious changes to my diet. Not go on "a diet" but change what I eat - forever.

You may recall my first foray with Tracey back in the spring when I did her Cleanse and Reboot program. Not only did I lose 8 pounds in three weeks I learned some really valuable lessons about how what I eat makes me feel. It's not rocket science, of course - if you eat better, healthier foods you feel better. But I honestly had no idea how all the processed foods I was eating - presumably to keep me going - were sapping my energy, screwing with my insides, messing up my sleep patterns and sabotaging my weight loss.

Shortly after the Cleanse, after going back to my old ways, I hit a plateau. Exercise wasn't taking the pounds off like it had and I was getting frustrated real quickly. Before things got too out of hand I decided to hire Tracey on for a full year to help get me on track and keep me that way. I knew from experience that actually practicing good habits would much more difficult than it seemed and, quite frankly, I needed some forced accountability. I had learned so much from Tracey during the cleanse that I knew working with her would be a major help in my success.

So we met and chatted about all of my food and weight issues (yes, it was a long meeting). Tracey is really good at what she does and I feel like she really gets me so I walked out of that meeting feeling completely motivated, energized and ready to conquer the world. Until a week later when life got in the way again - as it always does - and I went crashing down into a bowl of ice cream.

Summer came and things never got quite to that place of calm that I had planned for in May. It seemed there was never enough time to get the basic things done - let alone the "extra" stuff - you know, like taking care of myself. Vacations put both of us out of town on different weeks so we weren't able to meet consistently and before I knew it my eating was spinning out of control and my alcohol intake was back to where it was BC (Before Clay). Suddenly July was almost over and I hadn't change a darn thing (well, except for the worse). Which brings us to August....

The Summer That Wasn't

2011-09-13T17:11:00.002-04:00

Remember me? I don't blame you if you don't. The last post I had on here was in July, which even I can barely believe. But I'm back in full force and plan on inundating you with the ups and downs of my search (no, I still don't think I've truly found Amy yet!) and before you know you will once again be thinking "Wow, that girl has too much to say!"

The bad news is, it was a tough summer. The good news is, I'm back on track.

I started the summer with great intentions. I hired a nanny three days a week that would free me from the 60+ minutes of driving the girls across town to swim team once (and sometimes twice) a day. This (in theory) would, in turn, give me more time to work, exercise and get our lives organized while still allowing me some fun summer time with the girls. And while the nanny was, indeed, fabulous, I apparently needed a lot more than 3 days a week to get my shit together because it's September and, quite frankly, I'm no further along than I was in June.

As my work demands increased so did Courtney's and even though good things were happening for both of us (check me out with Sherry Taylor on Z95.1 on Thursday & Friday mornings!) I started to fall apart.

When August hit I found myself in a pretty deep state of depression. I'd allowed myself to gain back 1/3 of the weight I'd lost, was eating my way through my stress and had been to class so infrequently that I was almost afraid to go back again. The prescription to my anitidepressants had expired and I had neglected to schedule the necessary appointment with my doctor so I was now unmedicated, as well. It wasn't pretty.

Between then and now I've had a lot of moments that lead me to getting back on track. The e-mails from Hyam - meetings with Tracey - my doctor's warnings - and yes, even the arrival of my 20th High School Reunion. But the one that was bigger than all of the above was internal. I felt so good in so many ways when I was taking care of myself and I wasn't ready to give that up. I needed it back.

Fortunately our bodies are resilient and our muscles have memory because though it's been a tough few weeks back at the studio I can already feel it coming back together. I plan to take this blog in a slightly different direction over the next few months - still focusing on all the ups and downs of my journey - but also as a way to keep myself accountable. I will be telling you probably more than you want to know about what I'm eating, how much (or little!) I'm exercising and where I end up as a result of that because I've found that it's easy to lie to myself about why I'm eating that fourth chocolate chip cookie ("It's the weekend - you deserve it!) but it's impossible for me to lie to all of you!

Stay tuned....

Oh, and the flamingo at the top of the page? It's a long story - and one my sister would be happy to tell you IF she could control her laughter. The short of it is that it's a symbol to me that I can conquer my fears and insecurities if I try - sometimes I just need to be reminded. And yes, that does mean I once had a fear of flamingoes.

"Good" For You

2011-07-07T08:32:00.005-04:00

I was so excited this week because I found this new (or at least new-to-me) instant oatmeal that was hearty, delicious and - I thought - nutritious. I grew up on the Quaker Instant Oatmeal Packets and though I love them they're not all that reminiscent of true, whole oats. I've read over and over again how good oatmeal is for me and how it will actually stay with me longer than cereal will - I love it with strawberries, blueberries and all the great fruit that's in season right now so I thought this a perfect time to add oatmeal back in. Recall, however, that I am a lazy cook. So this Oat Revolution product looked perfect. It was even "eco-friendly" because you could measure out the water in the bag the oatmeal came in.

I made this is morning and was so pleased with myself. Not only did I get up early enough to take Scout on a 2-mile walk before cycling class on a Saturday morning I ate hearty, healthy oatmeal for breakfast after class. Or so I thought...

While I was happily chomping my oatmeal with strawberries and blueberries I glanced at the back of the package (to see just how healthy I was being). This is what I saw:

Total fat 2.5g...Cholesterol 0g...Fiber 3g...Protein 4...Sugars 13...

Hold on a minute, Did that say 13 grams of sugar? That's more than the Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch I caved and bought Maggie at the store yesterday (Cap'n Crunch claims 9). And guess what? My "not reminiscent of real oats" Quaker Oat packets has the same amount of fat, fiber and protein with only 9 grams of sugar too. What the hell?

Full disclosure - I did buy "Maple and Brown Sugar" oatmeal so I probably should've realized the sugar would be high, but I never thought that high. It's a good lesson for me though, to realize that though this option is definitely better for me than some I might have chosen in the past, processed, packaged food is just that - processed and packaged - not a nutritional powerhouse.

Lesson learned. But what am I going to have for breakfast tomorrow???

Hunger

2011-05-31T19:19:00.004-04:00

Today was a good example of why starving yourself while you're dieting isn't a good idea. By "starving" I, of course, don't mean purposefully not allowing oneself to eat (been there, done that) but rather trying to fit so many things into your day that you don't have time to stop for something as trivial as a meal.

Weekdays are often like this for me. I leave the house as soon as the girls hop on the bus at 7:15 and run around between the radio station, the the tv station, client meetings, Women's Health and attempt to fit in some home and work errands until I arrive home 3:00 - completely ravenous. This obviously doesn't set me up for making good choices when I do get a chance to eat. Rather, I tend to grab the first thing I can get my hands on.

Today the first thing I grabbed after staring hungrily into the refrigerator for a few l-o--n-g minutes was a low-fat cheese stick. Protein and calcium are good for me, right? It didn't, however, satisfy me so I kept on looking, There were lots of fruits and vegetables in the fridge, of course, but all of them required washing, peeling or chopping (or, even worse - all three!!) so they were out. I was starving, remember? I needed something immediately. So, I decided to stop wasting electricity and headed to the "snack drawer".

Our "snack drawer" probably isn't like most families with 2 young kids. You won't find cookies, fruit roll-ups or potato chips here. What you will find is what we'd like to think are "healthy snacks". However, the more I learn about nutrition the more I realize what we really have is a lot of "hidden sugar". We have a lot of thing you wouldn't necessarily think of as sugar laden, but probably are. Like the so-called "healthy granola bars" that I let the girls eat because they at least get some fiber from them - the "yogurt" covered raisins that might as well be chocolate covered they're so high in sugar and calories - and the organic blue corn chips that are really no healthier that the original (though I do truly prefer their taste). Along side these so-called healthy snacks are, of course, a few truly healthy options like sunflower seeds, almonds and dates but when you're as hungry as I am those things don't necessarily catch your eye. So what do I grab? The granola bar (I could always use a little extra fiber, right?).

My search through the kitchen continued for awhile longer in a similar fashion - finding nothing of substances but definitely full of calories. At the end of the afternoon I found myself feeling overly full - yet not satisfied - after consuming what was probably enough calories to cover me for two meals, let alone one.

Note to Self: Things aren't going to get any less busy, so it's imperative that I get a handle on this. Preparation is key.

Spanx

2011-04-26T10:42:00.028-04:00

I've never been shy about admitting my love for Spanx. I've grown so fond of them that when I don't have them on I feel kind of naked. So when they came out with swimwear last year I was thrilled. Could I really find a swimsuit I loved as much as my Spanx? It seemed too good to be true. And it was.

This isn't a new phenomena. Swimsuits made to hide things just aren't cute. Let's face it, for us truly overweight girls the Miraclesuit wasn't much of a miracle. Though they've definitely improved over the years, most of them shout "I'm fat and I'm trying desperately to hide it." And how many of those models even had one pound to "conceal" let alone 10 or more? NONE.

So back to Spanx....

I am, admittedly, on their mailing list because I'm a bit of a fanatic and if they offer a coupon I am certainly going to jump on it (Higher Power = no muffin top!). So when I received the e-mail touting their new swimsuits this year I was skeptical, yet curious. I didn't want to, but I just had to click on the link. The picture actually looked quite cute- could it be true?

Well, it was true. Several of the new Spanx swimsuits are really cute. Only problem? They were $200!!! For something made of a yard or two of spandex? I'm sure this is some type of fat discrimination, though after buying the $40 tights, $50 underwear, etc (again, I admit I love the stuff!) I don't have the extra cash to hire an attorney to fight it. $200 for a not-ugly-but-not-super-cute swimsuit? Sorry, Sara Blakely, as much as I adore you, I just can't go there.

And since we're on the subject - Spanx for men? Really? Hmmm...maybe the Spicy Chicken needs to hear about this!

Spring Break

2011-04-20T16:16:00.000-04:00

This was me on spring break last year

This was me on spring break this year

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES!

Confidence

2011-03-29T08:09:00.000-04:00

I often hear comments from people who knew me as a teenager who read this blog like "I had no idea you struggled with your weight so much" or "I never knew you had such an issue with your self-esteem." Though my performance as "Airport Announcer #1" in the White Bear Lake Area Central Junior High School production of "Central Follies 1987" would give you the impression otherwise, I am apparently, quite a good actress.

It's well known that someone who appears overly confident is often quite insecure on the inside. Bullies, for example, are often the most insecure people around. While I was definitely never a bully (nor am I now), I learned when I was young to mask my insecurities by expressing outward confidence. Somehow my successes didn't convince me, however, that I had reasons to be confident and I never quite felt good enough. I struggle with this still today, but I've definitely learned just how fortunate I am.

Every time I look in my daughters' eyes I realize how blessed I am and it inspires me to keep this journey moving along. Not because of a desire to be skinny (though let's be real, of course I want to look good!) but because I want to be strong and healthy (inside and out) and be a good role model for them. I want that confidence that I exude to be as real as the innocence on their faces and the love I feel for them in my heart. And I'm getting there, one step at a time.

Spring Cleansing

2011-03-28T19:06:00.001-04:00

Life hasn't allowed much time for blogging lately but I don't want you to think that means I haven't been moving forward. On the contrary, I've made really big steps over the past few weeks that I've been dying to write about here.

I will start with the craziest part. For the past 12 days I have been doing the "14-Day Total Body Re-Boot and Cleanse" developed by Tracey Webber at Eat! (which is located within the Clay Fitness + Nutrition studio). Tracey opened EAT! about a month ago and I'm so excited about all the amazing things she is doing that I've been helping her promote them on SuzySaid. A few weeks ago Tracey approached me and asked if I'd like to take part in her Re-boot and Cleanse program as a thank you. Ironically a few days earlier I had mentioned to Hyam that I knew that if I was going to get off the plateau I've been on for the past few months what I had to do was really commit to a better, healthier eating plan. Though I've never even contemplated doing something like a cleanse Tracey's offer intrigued me so I said yes.

So here I am 12 days later, down 8 pounds and feeling fabulous! The purpose of the cleanse was not necessarily to lose weight, but it is a fortunate side effect of ridding your diet of all processed foods, sugar, dairy and animal protein. Sounds restrictive, and I guess it kind of is, but it's only two weeks and you do get to eat as much as you want of "approved" foods. I've definitely had my fair share of greens lately!

Though I still have a few days left before I start adding things back into my diet (Phase 3 of the Cleanse) I think it's safe to say that this experiment has been a success. I've tried more new foods in the past 12 days than I had in the past 12 months and it's taught me a lot about how was I eating. I don't miss processed foods from a dietary standpoint at all - though I do miss the convenience of them a little. And the sugar...remember how much I craved sugar? That is gone! People kept telling me it would happen once I gave it up but I didn't really believe them. I don't even miss it. Well...maybe a little.

Orthotics

2011-03-28T13:52:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I met with Dr. Chang at Blue Ridge Foot and Ankle to make the casts for my custom orthotics. I was honest with him about the pain I felt toward the end of the two weeks, which had not yet completely subsided. After re-assessing my gait he decided that the structure of my calves may be part of the problem. I inherited my dad's large calf muscles, which are great for strength but not so good for skinny jeans, knee high boots or - apparently - shin splints. It's kind of complicated but essentially my girth of my man-calves may be causing pulling on the tendon and bone equating to some of the pain. Thanks, Dad.

That said, I had success with the taping for most of the time (and there's really nothing we can do about the size of my calves) so we think that the orthotics are going to be a big help. The process is like getting a cast on a broken bone, only much faster. Dr. Chang casted both of my feet in a straight prone position. I just sat in the chair while he worked his magic. About ten minutes later they were done and ready to be sent to the lab. Here they are. Pretty, huh?

It takes a few weeks for the lab to create the orthotics so I will be wearing temporary inserts in the meantime. I ran with them this morning and though they felt really weird when I first put my shoes on, I felt great after the run. They definitely provide support that I need and kept my foot in the proper position.

Now, what to do about those man-calves???

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

2011-03-15T08:10:00.003-04:00

So I've been taping my feet for a little over two weeks now. I have to admit it was a total pain in the ass at first. It looked so easy when they did it at the clinic, but I struggled. I worked in the Training Room in college for a few quarters so I figured it'd be a piece of cake, but taping your own feet is really different than taping someone else's. Go figure. After the first few days I got the hang of it though, and it no longer took me an additional 20 minutes to get ready to exercise (thank goodness, because you know I'm always running late anyway!).

Everything was going great until yesterday. I ran 3 miles each on Friday and Saturday relatively pain-free. I took Sunday off as my "rest day" knowing Monday would be a tough one at Clay. When Monday arrived I was feeling strong. I made it through the first 40 minutes on the bike with no pain. This isn't that surprising as the pressure on your shins is minimal when cycling, but I had had pain on the bike in the past when I was running consistently so I wasn't sure what to expect. When we got to the gym, however, it didn't take long for the shin splints to rear their ugly heads. I modified some of the exercises (no jumping or jarring) to minimize the amount of pressure I was putting on them, but it was already too late, I was in a lot of pain.

Unfortunately I couldn't do the whole R.I.C.E routine when I got home because I had to go to work, but I popped a few ibuprofen and went on with my day as I usually do. I'm a little bummed out, but hopeful that after I tape myself up this afternoon Scout and I will be on our pain-free way this afternoon. Cross your fingers for me!

On The Road (to recovery) Again

2011-03-08T15:59:00.008-05:00

One of the cool things about being so wide open (like I am here) is that you occasionally connect with people that you may not have otherwise. I had this experience this week, and I feel very fortunate.

Dr.'s Change and Murray of Blue Ridge Foot and Ankle, are two orthpaedic doctors in Charlottesville. In addition to being extremely good at the medical side of what they do they have also embraced social media as part of their marketing plan. They've been doing lots of fun things on-line in an effort to not only get their message out, but truly connect with the community. If you have questions about sports injuries - any type of injury related to feet and ankles you can find information on their website at www.brfootandankle.com .

Recently the doctors decided that blogging about the experience of helping someone through their exercise injuries and/or ailments would be a great story. Ironically, about this same time I wrote a blog post about my shin splint issues and how they have thrwarted my efforts to do a longer race (either mentally or physically) in the past. We were a perfect match!

I met with Dr.'s Chang and Murray for the first time on Wednesday, March 2. I have to admit I was super excited about this because though I've known I needed professional help I'd never gotten around to making the appointment (typical mom-thing). As I considered this appointment "work" it was something I wouldn't put off - and I knew having these two doctors on my side was going to help me get to where I wanted to be.

You can read Dr. Chang's assessment of our first appointment at the Blue Ridge Foot and Ankle Blog. Essentially I presented with a classic case of shin splints with pain that appears after I've been exercising about 30 minutes, disappears when I rest, and reappears the following day. I also have a cavus foot (who knew?) that doesn't absorb shock well making me a prime candidate for shin splints. They prescribed R.I.C.E (rest, ice, compression, elevation), stretching, ibuprofen for immediate pain relief and then taught me out to tape my feet for exercise, I admit I didn't totally understand how taping my feet was going to help, but figured these are two doctors who really know what they're doing so I went with it. The recommendation was to tape not only for my run days, but also when I am at Clay.

The taping is a temporary thing to assess if orthotics would be helpful for me. I'm scheduled to go back in two weeks for a gait assessment and possibly orthotic fitting. The doctors think we will be able to conquer this with proper treatment and orthotics. I'm very hopeful, too!

That Lovin' Feeling

2011-03-06T19:24:00.002-05:00

As I posted earlier this week, Wednesday's class Clay it wasn't exactly my best workout. This wasn't surprising as between illnesses (both of my kids and my husband contracted influenza, strep and some type of stomach virus in February), a mini-vacation to NYC and a mega-vacation to Panama I'd had close to three weeks off. I struggled, to say the least.

Here's the cool part though - that class was so amazing that I've felt like a kid at Christmas waiting for Monday to come so I can jump back in again. And no, it wasn't just the camera that pumped me up (Clay was featured on CBS 19's Make Dan Sweat last week) - it was that amazing energized feeling that I had when I walked out the door that I love. That is why I return to Clay week after week.

Really, I love it!

Back from Vacation

2011-03-03T22:57:00.002-05:00

This quote from Hyam pretty much sums up my first day back at Clay:

"I see a lot of huffin' and puffin'
but not much moving, over there Amy!"

And you'll see proof of it on tonight's Make Dan Sweat.

Progress Report Part II

2011-03-01T18:29:00.001-05:00

A few weeks I posted a "Progress Report" that gave the low down on where I'm at in my journey from a physical standpoint, so now I thought I'd give a little info on the emotional side of things.

My two main struggles have been eating healthy (if there is such a thing as a sugar addiction, I have it) and making working out a priority when life gets crazy (and beyond crazy, as it has been lately). While I definitely wasn't "swimsuit ready" by the time we departed for Panama, I'm in such a better place both physically and mentally than I was 9 months ago that I can truly say I feel I've been successful in this journey so far.

I emphasize "so far" because I assume that I will be on this journey for the rest of my life. Don't worry, I won't blog about it forever - hopefully once I reach that "magic number" or somewhere near it I'll feel I've reached the end of this story and be able to move on to another one. But that won't be the end of my journey to be (and stay) fit and happy. Life fluctuates on a daily or weekly (or sometimes hourly!) basis, and I'm not naive enough to believe that being thin will change any of that. That's why I keep calling this a "journey". It's not a diet or a phase or a fad - it's my life. And I see life as a journey in itself. The changing nature of it is what makes it so fun - and challenging - for all.

Vacation

2011-02-27T10:04:00.001-05:00

As you know, we took a trip to Panama this month. It was amazing, of course. I thought I'd have a hard time with the lack of access to technology (as I spend more than half of every day on my computer and phone) but it was actually quite nice to not have to think about all of it.

Vacationing with the Wolf's (our BFFs) is not like the typical vacation that the Spicy Chicken and I might take. They are "doers" so we did not spend a lot of time sitting on our butts. We spend every Labor Day Weekend with them at their lake house on Smith Mountain Lake, so we knew this and were really looking forward to what Todd had in store for us. He did not disappoint. We toured all of Panama City, went hiking, fishing, swimming, boating, zip-lining, ropes coursing, and of course spent a little time enjoying how truly beautiful it all was.

Here are just a few of the hundreds of photos I took:

We had a personal chef most of the nights on the island so we ate like kings and queens - fresh fish, veggies and rice - it was fabulous. We did a little drinking too...

Progress Report

2011-02-19T20:08:00.005-05:00

When I started working out at Clay Fitness 9 months I couldn't do a push-up. Nor could I do a real sit-up. Nor could I run around the block without feeling like I wanted to die. Seriously. I was that out of shape.

Today I ride 15-20 miles in a 30-minute session on a bike every Monday and follow that up by 30 more minutes of intense strength training that consists of uncountable repetitions of push-ups, sit-ups, dips, lunges, squats, flys, presses, kick-backs, and a ton of other things I don't have names for.

Wednesdays we do our cardio in the big studio by lunging, squatting, jumping, hopping, running and jiving on the , the TRX (my latest love-hate relationship!, playing with sandbags, ropes, steps and other various toys and weapons.

Friday's I'm not even scheduled to go to class but sometimes I show up just for fun. Yes, I said, fun. And did I mention that I run 3 miles on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday now, too? FUN.

For you numbers people here are the stats: I'm currently down 23 pounds, 2 pants sizes, one shirt size, one bra cup size and quite a few inches in most of the right places.

When I started 9 months ago I couldn't do a push-up. Now I'm rockin' the "Athletic Conditioning" class like a true athlete. Yes, I'm proud of myself. I can't help it. I've come a long way!

Serendipity

2011-02-17T21:39:00.004-05:00

I'm not going to lie. I haven't been on here much lately because there's not been a lot of good to report.

While I've had a few decent runs over the past few weeks I've had to miss class much more than I'd like to and my eating...let's skip that part. Somehow I've managed not to gain any weight, but I seriously think that is just the "Diet Gods" feeling sorry for me because our lives have been such a crazy mess lately.

We returned from our trip to NYC last night. The trip, to put it mildly, did not go as planned. Both girls were extremely sick - running temperatures of up to 104 degrees at some point - the entire trip. Each left New York with an interesting story about where they threw up (KK on 5th Avenue, M in Eately and at 4am) but very few memories of what I was hoping to depart with (i.e. Empire State Building, Ground Zero, Bloomie's, etc.). M literally slept through our entire meal at Serendipity, and KK was so sick she couldn't even bring herself to try the Frozen Hot Chocolate. More for me, I guess!

Both kids have now been diagnosed with influenza (M is lucky enough to also have strep!). Courtney was diagnosed with it this afternoon and though I am currently asymptomatic I happily swallowed a Tamiflu a few hours ago in the hopes that I will not end up in bed next to any of them. KK is a few days ahead of everyone else so she's actually back at school, but the rest of the crew...it's pretty ugly.

So here's the serendipitous part. We spent a lot more time in the hotel room than we had planned, of course. But you know what? I actually loved it. The girls are getting older so we don't get as much of that one-on-one - "holding your baby time" as we used to. This week I got hours of it - and I realized how much I missed it. Sometimes I end up spending so much time telling them what to do and how to do it. "Clean up your room!" "Do your homework!" "Pick up your shoes!" "Brush your teeth!" that I feel like I don't get to just enjoy them. For 3 whole days I didn't say any of these things (well, except maybe the brush your teeth one). And it was SO nice.

Sure, we missed out on discovering New York City, but we did get a chance to rediscover something really important - how lucky we are to have one another. Now that's serendipity for ya.

Greet Each Day Like a Dog

2011-02-09T20:46:00.007-05:00

"My goal for the rest of the week is to greet each day with

as much enthusiasm as my dog does."

This was my first Tweet today and this is why:

The alarm went off at 5:30 this morning. Per usual, I groaned, hit the snooze button and rolled over, hoping to catch 10 more minutes of sleep. Scout, on the other hand, jumped up the second the wretched beeping started. His floppy ears perked up. His tail began to wag. And he sat there staring - no, I actually think he was smiling - at me.

"I'm so excited for another wonderful day!" he seemed to be saying.

I, on the other hand, was more like "You've got to be kidding me, another day already?"

Let me first say that this is not a rant about my life. It's not like I woke up this morning wishing I didn't have to face another day - I just wasn't ready to wake up - nor am I ever really ready to wake up unless, of course, there is something really exciting going on that day. It struck me this morning, however, that Scout is like this every single morning of his life. Every single morning. And, ironically, every single morning of his life is all but exactly the same. And yet he's so darn happy about it.

After the alarm goes off the again Scout waits patiently for me to roll out of bed to let him outside. There he circles and paces until he finds the "perfect spot". He then patrols the borders of his invisible fence, making sure no varmints penetrated his well-marked barriers over night. If he's lucky he may get the scent of of a deer, which he will bark incessantly at to ensure it dare not "threaten" his family. Eventually I stumble out before he wakes the neighbors. And yet he's so darn happy about it.

After morning yard duty Scout excitedly chomps down his favorite treat - the same thing he has had every morning since we got him. Once finished he happily trots up the stairs to wake the girls. Every morning he hops up on M's bed, licks her face until she finally opens her eyes and grumbles "Good Morning, Scout." Once she speaks he's off to peek out her window, just in case any more wicked deer have appeared. The same thing occurs in KK's room 5 minutes later. The exact same thing. And yet he's is so darn happy about it!

The rest of his day is a combination of napping, tennis balls, and waiting for a run. While different days offer varied time periods of activities, each day is essentially a carbon copy of the last. And yet he's so darn happy about it!

I was so tired when the alarm went off this morning I considered not getting out of bed. When I rolled over, however, there was Scout, smiling at me. Another great day was awaiting us, I could see it in his eyes. And yes, I was really happy about it!

February Already?

2011-02-09T08:49:00.003-05:00

Wow - has it really been two weeks since I last posted? Time flies when you're having fun! Not surprisingly life has been pretty hectic lately. With two busy kids, my own company and the Spicy Chicken traveling every week I somehow feel like the week is over before it even starts!

That said, I've really been trying to make time for my workouts while squeezing in a little time with friends, which leaves little left for blogging. I have a ton of posts in my head or on scratch paper, but none of them seem to make it here lately.

So, here's a quick update.

I started running again and am almost back to the point where I enjoy it. The weather has been pretty good (we've been SO lucky this year, knock on wood) so I haven't had that as an excuse. My shins started bothering me when I got back to 3 miles but via a fortunate twist of fate I foresee relief in the near future. I've been asked by two local foot and ankle specialists to be the subject of their blog while training for the Charlottesville Half Marathon. (Yes, I have crazily but officially committed to that!). They are hoping to show people how doable running is (and really it is) and how these nagging injuries can be combated with appropriate care. I'm really excited with working with these people and know that it will totally help me reach my goals!

My kids have been struck by illness after illness (and few broken bones) so I've missed more of Hyam's classes than I'd like to. I feel it in many different ways on a week when my class attendance has been low. My stress levels are definitely higher (I cannot say enough how much of a stress reliever exercise is for me), my energy levels are lower, and I definitely feel yuckier on the inside (yes, yuckier is a technical term). It never ceases to amaze me how much better my food choices are when I'm exercising consistently, too. Go figure.

I've lost a few pounds over the past few weeks but they seem to creep back up every time I even think about overeating. This has been a tough plateau and I'm hoping that increasing my mileage (and getting everyone healthy again!) will help me get over it.

We're heading to NYC for a few days this weekend and then the Spicy Chicken and I are off to Panama a few days after that. Though I don't think I will be sporting a bikini quite yet (who am kidding, I'll never sport a bikini again!) I will be a little less self-conscious on the beach this year and I'm really looking forward to that!

Love This Life

2011-01-24T09:15:00.000-05:00

While on vacation in the Outer Banks this summer my girlfriends and I took an afternoon trip into Duck for a little extra relaxation sans children for mani-pedis while drinking fruity drinks and gazing out at the ocean. The spa carried these cute t-shirts and tanks that said "You Rock" on the front. I was in the first few months of this journey and was feeling particularly motivated (being at the beach with skinny friends will do that to you!) so I thought it might be a cool thing for me to wear when I worked out. When I picked it up I found that on the back was the brand's (which is LovethisLife) "manifesto" and I knew I had to have it. Here is what it said:

LovethisLife...

is about celebrating the moment

and that we're not guaranteed or owed another day

and how cool it is that what we hide

can actually be the fuel towards our glory

and that it's not so bad being proven wrong

LovethisLife...

is about welcoming the blind turn

and the possibility

that there's no such thing as coincidence

and that empathy is incredibly sexy

and that it's never too late

to pick up a guitar or a paintbrush

or to make an amend or to make a new friend

LovethisLife...

could be about rekindling a past flame

or igniting a new one

or shapeshifting from a dreamer into a doer

or savouring the caress of a love long gone

LovethisLife...

means whatever it is you want it to mean

because

LovethisLife...

is a celebration of you and your path

LovethisLife...

cuz it could go at any second

you rock.

I picked this out of my drawer today and put it on even though it's a little tight (please tell me these things run small!) because it's a great reminder to celebrate this journey - the ups and the downs. It's a great reminder to keep on doing what I'm doing, and damnit - I DO ROCK!

New Clay

2011-01-23T20:14:00.002-05:00

I can't believe that the upstairs studio space at Clay opened over a month ago and this is the first time I've blogged about it! If you thought I was in love (or infatuated?) with Clay Fitness before - just wait!

Can you believe this gorgeous space used to be Bel Rio?

See the yellow things hanging from the monkey bars (yes, monkey bars!)? Those are TRX Training Systems. They look innocent, but they are amazing (and torturous) little creatures. They can work every muscle in your body (and Hyam makes sure they do!).

Somehow I neglected to get photos of the cycling room or the shower (seriously the shower is gorgeous - you gotta see it!) so I will do that some time in the next few weeks. Or...you could stop by and check it out yourself!

Run Amy Run

2011-01-23T19:04:00.002-05:00

I received an e-mail from a friend a week ago entitled "Marathon". At first I thought she'd sent it to the wrong person. As I continued to read, however, I realized she was actually asking me to consider doing a marathon with her. A marathon? Who was she kidding? A marathon is 26 miles! I can barely handle the 3 I do now. No freaking way!

But 12 hours later I couldn't get the thought out of my head. A marathon. How amazing would that be? Wait - what did I just say? I have friends who are marathoners and I've always told them that as amazing as I think they are, I think they're equally as crazy. My father-in-law is a marthoner. He's 2 inches shorter than me and weighs at least 50 pounds less. Running comes naturally to him. He's even built like a marathoner. I, on the other hand, am built more like a sumo wrestler.

I have a long list of things I'd like to be able to say I did someday. Running a marathon has never been one of them. Now, however, I can't get it out of my head. I made the mistake of mentioning this to Hyam who, of course, thought it was a fabulous idea! Before I knew it she had me committing to a training group for the Charlottesville Ten-Miler. Wait, I'm running the Charlottesville Ten-Miler???

So I'm NOT committing to anything further than 10 miles yet, but that marathon is in the back of my mind pecking away at me. 26 miles. That'd be all the way to Crozet and back! Wow, that's a long way.

Priorities

2011-01-21T07:00:00.001-05:00

I've struggled a lot lately with trying to make everything that's important and/or necessary fit into a 24 hour time period. This, of course, isn't something that is unique to me - we are all busy - but for the purposes of this blog I'm going to focus on myself. Sorry.

If you know me even a little bit you are aware that time management is not my strong suit. This makes balancing a schedule like mine difficult at times. I'm very involved in a lot of things, which can be tough for even a very organized person, but for me, well, it can really suck. Add to it that the Spicy Chicken is out of town 3 days a week and, you can imagine how far behind I'm usually running. I make it all work out in the end, but often at the expense of sleep, healthy eating and exercise. Once again, this is probably how I got here in the first place and why I'm trying to make a change. Change isn't always easy, though, and I am admittedly struggling with it right now.

I remember a friend making a comment several years ago about how it irritated her when people claimed they didn't have time to exercise because to her it was all about priorities. She thought saying "Exercising is not a priority to me" was much more honest. I hated to admit it, but she was right. If she, a mother of 3 (now 4!), who owned her own business, had a husband in medical school and was involved with everything from church to Junior League to the local actor's guild somehow found time to work out, there was really no reason I couldn't be doing the same thing. I just had to make it a priority. Of course then I'd have to give up a few hours of sitting on my ass...

So I started this post thinking I'd whine about how hard it is to put my health and fitness first, but came out realizing that maybe it's really not that hard after all. Just like anything else, it has to be a priority or it isn't going to happen.

Clean Eating

2011-01-16T13:33:00.000-05:00

I'll be the first to admit that my attempt to change my diet during this journey would probably best be described as "half-assed". I have really good days, but they are easily outnumbered by my not-so-good ones, and there have definitely been a few embarrassingly horrible ones recently.

Knowing that I've been impeding my own success (I think they call it self-sabotage) one of my New Year's Resolutions was to cook more (or maybe in my case it should be start cooking!). So yesterday, armed with past issues of Clean Eating (from this summer when I resolved to start eating healthier!) and a few recent Real Simple Magazines I set out to make a plan for healthier, cleaner eating. Before long I had a pile full of great, healthy and not too difficult recipes in hand and was ready to head to the store.

I absolutely love Clean Eating Magazine. The photos are beautiful (I refuse to make a recipe that I don't have a picture of), the recipes are simple enough for someone like me (and are really explanatory), their Weekly Menu Plan section includes a shopping list, and, of course, they are healthy! Admittedly there are always a few items that I've never heard of or have no desire to ever try, but for the most part it totally jazzes me up about eating healthily.

I'll be honest and say that when the Spicy Chicken is in town I do more requesting than cooking, but the important part is that I'm eating well, right. We started this morning with a modified version of Clean Eating's MacK Muffin from the September/October 2010, which is a healthy twist on the Egg McMuffin. The recipe is below (we modified with asparagus because someone forgot to buy the spinach).

THE MacK MUFFIN (Clean Eating, September/October 2010)

Ingredients

white vinegar, as needed

1 large egg

olive oil cooking spray

1 cup spinach

1 whole-wheat English Muffin

1 tbsp. light cream cheese

1 slice tomato

Sea salt and fresh ground black pepper, to taste

1 tsp. hot sauce (i.e. Sriracha), optional

Instructions

1. Bring a large, deep saucepan with 5-6 cups of water to a boil. Add about 1 tsp. vinegar for every cup of water. (Taste to make sure vinegar is barely noticeable). Lower heat to a slow simmer. Carefully crack egg into a teacup or large ladle. Lower into water and pour egg out as gently as possible, careful not to break yolk. Cook until egg white is formed and set and yolk begins to thicken but is not hard (3-4 minutes). Remove egg with slotted spoon or strainer, set aside.

2. Heat a medium non-stick pan over medium heat and mist with cooking spray. Once pan is hot, add spinach and saute for 1-2 minutes, until slightly wilted. Remove spinach from pan and set aside. (if using asparagus, saute the same way).

3. Toast English muffin. To assemble, spread 1/2 tbsp. cream cheese on each half of English muffin. Place spinach on bottom half of English muffin, then add poached egg and tomato. Season with salt and pepper. Finish with hot sauce, if desired, before topping with other half of English muffin.

Pain Relief

2011-01-14T11:17:00.002-05:00

It occurred to me this morning as I was frantically trying to make it out the door to the 6am class (making up for Wednesday), that something was missing from my morning routine.

Recall that when I started this "journey to health" I was pretty out of shape. Shin splints plagued me when I did almost any form of exercise, let alone running. During the workouts sometimes the pain would be so intense that I couldn't complete an exercise. Other times I'd simply grin and bear it because I knew I had to get it done. To minimize the pain I took 4 Advil every day before class, 4 around lunch time and 4 more before bed. I was taking 12 Advil a day almost on a daily basis!

No, I wasn't addicted to Advil, I was simply doing what I had to do at the time to get through. Those Advil were as essential to my workout as my shoes and sports bra (you know how I feel about a good sports bra!). If I forgot them I could kiss a good workout good-bye.

Today, however, I didn't take any Advil. Somewhere along the way I stopped needing the relief those four little pills gave me because I no longer had any pain. Amazing what losing 20+ pounds can do for your body!

I went to a specialist quite a few years ago about my shin splints when having trouble with them even while swimming. They took X-rays, did a bone scan and all that good stuff only to come back to me with what I already knew - I had shin splints. I clearly remember asking the doctor, "I've gained a significant amount of weight in the past few years, do you think losing it would help?" "No," he said, "You'll just have to live with them." Now I know my shin splints are not solely caused by my weight, but what a great moment that would've been for him to tell me - a moderately overweight, young woman - to take charge of her health, but instead he told me to "live with it".

Well doc, I'm not going to live with that or any of the other physical or emotional pain my weight has caused me in the past. I'm going to continue to take charge of my journey and change all of the negative outcomes it could've caused me. Just watch & see!

Life is Like a BOSU

2011-01-13T09:53:00.002-05:00

The other day a few friends and I were sarcastically expressing our "love" for the BOSU on Twitter. I admitted that I have a love-hate relationship with this piece of equipment. Love because it's so good for so many parts of my body. Hate because, well, it can really suck. (Not to mention that it's a known fact at Clay that it's not safe to stand next to me when proprioceptive abilities are called into play, which they are every second you're on the BOSU).

If you haven't used a BOSU I challenge you to try it (most gyms have them). Essentially it's half a balance ball with a flat middle that can be used for a million different exercises and for every part of your body. At Clay we use it for everything from push-ups (inverted with the round part facing the ground) to jump squats and lunges - and everything in between. What challenges me most, however, is balancing on it.

I fall off every once and awhile (ok, quite frequently) but I always get back on. It reminds me a little of life and this journey that I am on. Last week, for instance, was a fabulous week. The kids went back to school, work started flowing, and I was back on my regular schedule at Clay. I lost 3 pounds in a week and felt like I was balancing with ease! This week, however, was quite different. It started off great - with a killer workout at Clay in the new studio. I was pumped when I left there - certain my balance was completely in check. However, a few hours later it all changed. M got a migraine that afternoon, the Spicy Chicken was really late from work and at 6 I realized I'd forgotten to defrost the fish so our healthy dinner didn't pan out. Tuesday I got a call from the nurse again and found myself driving to the school at 2pm instead of taking my afternoon run with Scout. Due to M's illness I had to miss an important committee meeting at 5, which frustrated me enough to eat chocolate for dinner. On Wednesday school was on a 2-hour delay so I missed Clay and that afternoon K came home with a fever (again no run). The Spicy Chicken was late, stressed and drinking wine that evening so I, of course, had to join him. Today is Thursday and I am sitting in the living room with K at my side as we are waiting to head to the doctor's office.

Obviously I didn't just stumble off this week - I threw myself to the ground. As a parent, this is what you do when something happens with your kids, but it's where many of us let things get out of control. It's inevitable that life is going to get tough and we're going lose our balance at times. Sometimes we even fall off. The important part, however, is that we hop back on and keep trying. It's not always easy - and sometimes it's embarrassing (like in the middle of class - or on a public blog!). But one thing I learned from the BOSU is that sometimes the falling off isn't so bad because when you get back on you discover that you're getting stronger and you can do it!

K is asleep on the couch so I'm heading to the garage to use the jump rope I got for Christmas (love this thing!). I probably only have a 30 minute window before she starts calling my name again, but if I don't climb back on the BOSU right now I know it will be even harder to do tomorrow.

Play That Funky Music

2011-01-10T20:40:00.003-05:00

A few months ago a friend was in her last few weeks of training for a marathon when she sent out a plea on Facebook for a few new songs to run to. It got me thinking about my favorite workout songs and what was on everyone else's play list. Since I've been running a lot more lately having a good playlist has become even more essential to me than ever so thought it'd be fun to share.

My taste is music is all over the board so I'm warning you - this is not for everyone. In this list you will see Miley Cyrus (I'm a mom of 8 and 10 year old girls, after all) and Van Halen (I was a teen in the 80's) mixed in with a little Linkin Park and Pearl Jam . I will also admit that my musical selection is NOT real deep so don't expect anything groundbreaking here.

Though I love all of these songs I'm getting kinda tired of everything on my play list these days, so tell me - what are you listening to?

Right Now - Van Halen - I've been working out to this song for about 20 years. Did I just say 20 years?
Evanescence - Bring Me To Life - I like this one at the beginning to pump me up
7 Things - Miley Cyrus - I warned you!
Rearview Mirror - Pearl Jam - One of my favorite bands of all time. I also usually include Glorified G and Better Man somewhere in my mix.
Pump It - Black Eye Peas - Typical, I know, but how can you argue with lyrics like "shake it, shake it, shake girl - make sure you don't break it, girl"?
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough - Michael Jackson - Great for pushing myself up the big hill by my house (also a great roller skating song from my youth).
Breaking the Habit - Linkin Park - I actually have this In The End, Numb and What I've Done scattered throughout my mix.
But Anyway - Blue Traveler - Nothing like a harmonica solo from an obese man to get you moving. That said, I totally love Blues Traveler.
Thunderstruck - AC/DC - Reminds me of my senior year of high school. I was skinny back then. Also, love the strong, heavy beat that these old hard rock songs had.
Don't Stop Believin' - Journey - An 80's classic, but I admit the Glee version got me re-interested in this one
The Distance - Cake - Usually have this one for when I'm struggling at the 1/2 way mark.
Baby I'm a Star - Prince - A good Minnesota girl must have a little Prince in her mix
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes - This is on one of Hyam's mixes so when I hear it I hear her, too. She pushes me in a good way.
Are You Gonna Go My Way - Lenny Kravitz - Lenny Kravitz is the definition of cool
Brick House - The Commodores - Shake it down, shake it down now...
Champion in Me - Three Doors Down - If you haven't heard this watch the video & listen. I am totally inspired by Olympic athletes.
Song 2 - Blur - Great for speed work/intervals
Baby Got Back - Sir Mix A Lot - Love me some cheesy 90's hip-hop/rap
Did You Ever Look So Nice - The Samples - A little slower but one of my all-time favorite bands so it rocks for me.
This is Your Life - Switchfoot - Deep lyrics.

-25 + 5 = 20

2011-01-03T21:26:00.000-05:00

I read a statistic a few weeks ago that Americans gain an average of 4-10 pounds over the holidays. I woefully report that I did my part to keep these stats so high, as after I forced the Spicy Chicken onto the scale yesterday I stepped on it myself. It took me over 6 months to lose 25 pounds and only a few weeks to gain 5 back. Wow.

So I'm back at my halfway point which a few months ago was really exciting. Now, however, it feels pretty pathetic.

Today, however, is a new day and I was back at Clay this morning with a smile on my face. I'm fairly certain I won't be able to get out of bed or wash my hair tomorrow, but I really don't care because it felt so good to be back on track. It's amazing how just one workout can change everything. I ate a healthy breakfast this morning (banana with peanut butter, half cup of OJ and two big glasses of water) - took the dog for a 3 mile walk this afternoon after completing an enormous amount of work and finished off the day with a healthy meal of baked chicken, steamed sugar snap peas, and a salad. Where this sensibility was the last 4 weeks I don't know, but it feels great to have it back.

Missing

2010-12-29T23:53:00.008-05:00

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GIRL??

Ok, so I admit it. I've been missing from here, the studio and most forms of exercise for a few weeks. That doesn't mean I've fallen off the wagon - not completely at least. I've managed to run a little, walk a little and I totally kick butt at Just Dance 2 on the Wii during our little holiday vacation, but you're right, I let myself down this holiday season.

No worries, though. Hyam returns from vacation tomorrow and thus, so do I. I can't even imagine how sore I will be on Friday (she's had an entire week to plan and scheme!) but I'm SO ready to get back in the studio. Who knew I'd miss those killer workouts so much? I did!

Side Note: The girl in the that picture above is also Missing in the "I barely recognize her anymore" way, too - hooray!

Friendship Buffet

2010-12-13T19:31:00.002-05:00

I saw the term "friendship buffet" on the front of a magazine the other day and decided I was going to adopt it as my theme for the holidays.

Since so much of the holiday season centers around eating and drinking - two things I am trying to control - I've been a little apprehensive about how I was going to deal with all of it. A "friendship buffet" seemed like the perfect solution. Instead of indulging on cookies and cocktails at get-togethers this month I will focus on filling myself up with my friends.

Sometimes, despite our best intentions, our lives get in the way of the things that are most important to us. After a difficult week that left me feeling pretty low I was fortunate to be able to spend time with several of my really good friends over the weekend. Though we've all been extremely busy lately we carved out a little time to share with one another. It was exactly what I needed - and I ended the week feeling fabulous.

In class sometimes Hyam talks about the exercise "filling up your tank" rather than depleting it. I love that analogy, and think it can be transferred over to so many aspects of our lives. The holidays sometimes become so full of hustle and bustle that they leave us feeling stressed, tired and drained. But that is the antithesis of what it's really supposed to be about - it's supposed to lift us up - make us feel incredible. So that is what I'm going to focus on.

That is also my challenge to you. Find a way to fill up your buffet with friendship, love and laughter this holiday season. Include a few cookies and cocktails along the way, but focus on the blessings that you have - and on being one to those around you. It will leave you full in a whole new way - and you won't even have to unbutton your pants to enjoy it!

This *#%! Works!

2010-12-13T12:04:00.007-05:00

I've been asked several times recently why I'm such a big proponent for Clay Fitness & Nutrition and this quote, from a classmate of mine - "This shit works!" always comes to mind. Stephanie made this comment while banging out push-ups in class a few weeks ago - something she couldn't do when our program started. And while it probably won't make the "Testimonials" section of Clay's website or Facebook page, I personally love it.

Stephanie was a beautiful person when she started working out at Clay, but when you see her now she knocks your socks off. She's lost a significant amount of weight and gained some really gorgeous muscle, but it's not just the physical changes that make her so stunning - it's the psychological ones. Even though she may not realize it - she exudes a confidence that I didn't see in her 12 weeks ago. It's truly beautiful.

I don't get paid to throw Clay's name around or say nice things about Hyam. This blog was my own idea - a way to hold myself accountable and, hopefully inspire other people with struggles similar to mine. I asked her before I started, of course, but nothing I say here is ever officially prompted by her. She creates content for the blog without even realizing it by saying and doing things that inspire me (and many other people) on a continual basis.

I love what I'm doing at Clay because though I'm not breaking any weight loss records I'm having greater success than I've ever had with my diet and health. I rave about Clay Fitness because I'm 25 pounds into my weight loss goals and still I'm having fun doing it. I brag about Hyam because she has an amazing ability to push me beyond my self proposed limits while building me up instead of tearing me down. I go on and on about my workouts because despite the fact that I'm there three days a week they are always different and I'm never, ever bored. I blab about it because quite simply - this shit works!

Tears and Laughter

2010-12-10T17:18:00.002-05:00

I spent Tuesday night with a few of my girlfriends. It wasn't your ordinary GNO, however. We entitled the evening "Tears and Laughter" because we started the evening at a church service held by The Compassionate Friends for parents whose children had died. Our friends Jennifer and John lost their son Carson a little over a year ago to complications to H1N1 and we were there to support Jennifer. That was the "tears" part of our evening.

After the service (where there were definitely lots of tears) we all went out for a few cocktails and some laughter. It was a little somber at first, of course, but this is a really fun group of girls and tears of laughter ensued almost immediately.

It was a very emotional evening for me on several different levels. First, I was taken by surprise when I arrived at the church to see one of my babysitters standing at the door. One of her sons had committed suicide several years ago - a story I had heard through the grapevine but she had never shared directly with me. I smiled, hugged her and moved forward toward the two pews full of my friends. As I rounded the corner I was completely taken aback when I saw my neighbor and her husband sitting in the last pew. I ignorantly asked, "Do you go to church here?" I was unprepared to hear her respond with "Jennifer was killed in September." Jennifer, their daughter, who was about my age, a single mom to 3 teenage daughters, was killed in September. I had no idea. I felt horrible for so many reasons.

When we were walking out of the service I stopped to hug and talk to her for a few minutes. She said she wished her friends had come with her instead of her husband. Not surprisingly losing a child is extremely hard on many marriages - even those that are 30+ years strong. My heart ached for her. I didn't know what to do or say so I just hugged her and said I'd be there. I meant it, but I'm not sure how much it helped.

On the opposite end of the emotional spectrum I couldn't help but feel really blessed that night, too. Don't get me wrong - I have spent hours crying over Carson's death, weeping for my friends' loss and questioning my God as to why this happened. This night, however, I was also reminded of how fortunate we are. I sat there surrounded by nine really incredible women that night there supporting their friend. Schedules were juggled, babysitters were called in and husbands came home early from work so that we could be there. None of us gave it a second thought. There was no place we would've rather been.

Jennifer and John have started a great foundation called The Carson Raymond Foundation in Carson's honor. If you'd like to help bring baseball to kids in our community check out the foundation's website at www.carsonraymondfoundation.org or feel free to give me a call. GO PLAY!

Had a Bad Day

2010-12-09T21:42:00.010-05:00

I cannot tell you how glad I am that this week is almost over. It's just been one of those weeks. It's not surprising, as today's date is December 9th. The holidays are in full swing and we are, like most people, busier than ever.

It was made worse by the fact that I started the week off with an arguments with not one, not two, but three of the people closest to me. I never fight with my mom and sister, and somehow I managed to offend and hurt both of them within a matter of a few hours. Everything is okay now, but it was an awful feeling. The third benefactor of my rage was, of course, the Spicy Chicken. He's used to it, though, so that one was over before it even started.

It's not a good feeling when you realize that you are, in fact, wrong. Though I may have had a valid point or two, I was the common denominator in all three of these arguments and I was out of line. That sucks. While any guy I ever dated would probably call bull shit on me for saying this, I don't actually like confrontation and controversy. I'm a pleaser by nature - I like to keep everyone happy. I guess that's why things like this happen. I keep everything in until I finally blow. I wouldn't advise it, however, it's not real effective - just ask my mom and sister.

On a positive note I have managed to get rid of the 3 pounds I gained over Thanksgiving. Exercise has been my saving grace during this week of insanity - I'm not sure how I managed without it for the past few years.

Worth a Thousand Words

2010-12-06T23:18:00.003-05:00

That's me, circa. 1988!

I met Kristine Pringle a few months after I started my "journey". She had documented the McIntire Park Fireworks on the 4th of July for the Newsplex and subsequently appeared as a guest on C'ville Plugged In with me. I was in awe of how she captured not just the beauty of that event, but also the feelings surrounding it. After the segment I made a plan to contact her in the fall, when I'd hoped to have lost "a few pounds" (like 40).

For years I've put off getting family photos taken because of my weight. Documenting it would've forced me to accept it. Denial was much easier. I coveted, however, the beautiful family portraits my friends had covering their walls, and knew I was depriving my children of years of laughter in their adulthood (the hair in that pic above was cool when the photo was taken, I swear.) by not getting them done. I made that vow that every overweight person makes - I'd do them "once I lost weight".

September came and went and I found myself only at -20. I had planned to use these photos for our Christmas cards, but was I really ready to show 150 of our "closest" friends what I beast I still was? Not really, but I decided I'd trade my pride for the beauty of a Charlottesville fall and gave Kristine a call.

You will see from the photos below that Kristine has mad photography skills. Sadly, however, I still found it hard to look at myself. I immediately started picking apart my flaws and was mad at myself for not losing more weight. I hate that.

The longer I looked, however, the more credit I began to give to myself. I've come a long way from the fat girl, sleeping on a lawn chair on the beach last spring. Once I recognized that, calmed down and added "be kinder to myself" to my growing list of New Year's Resolutions I saw just how beautiful these photos are. Even more importantly than that, however, was how Kristine managed to really capture who we are - even though she barely knew us. That's talent, people, pure talent.

We did what Kristine calls a "countrypolitan" shoot -

Urban shots downtown Charlottesville...

...and a little country at Jefferson Vineyards.

(And yes, we drank a bottle of Viognier during the shoot)

Goofy picture of me, but I love that we are running together!

Can you believe this is my baby?

Messy hair, playing in the grass, absolutely beautiful...

SO Maggie.

And this, of course, is my favorite.

You can see more of our photo session with Kristine, as well as other examples of her talent at http://www.pringleblog.com.

Unintended Consequences

2010-12-05T23:49:00.002-05:00

The first time I sat down with Hyam it was simply to interview her for a story for SuzySaid. A friend had tried out one of her classes and thought it would make a good story so I checked it out. Less than 30 minutes in to our conversation I knew my life was going to change. At the time, however, I believed those changes would be limited to my own personal journey back to health. I had no clue I'd be blessed with so much more.

December marked the end of my latest 12 week session at Clay. To celebrate our success, as well as Hyam's (surely you read the Daily Progress article about Clay's upward expansion into the former Bel Rio space?) two of my classmates had us all over for dinner.

On the way to their house I gave the Spicy Chicken a run down on the names of people he hadn't met. As I started telling him about each individual it dawned on me what an amazing group of people they were and how highly I thought of each person.

Whether they realize it or not each of them has guided me on my journey in their own way. Sure our workouts consisted of some really intense training, but somewhere between the curling & crunching, skipping & jumping and squatting & lunging there was a whole lot of smiling, supporting, laughing, encouraging and inspiring going on.

Twelve weeks later I've lost few pounds and added a few new friends. I'll take those unintended consequences any day.

Pretty Cool

2010-12-04T18:15:00.003-05:00

I got an e-mail from a colleague the other day that stated "And by the way, I saw you were named as C Magazine's "blogs we love" - congratulations!"

What? SuzySaid was mentioned in C Magazine? That's awesome!

I had actually picked up a copy of C Magazine (C-Ville Weekly's quarterly style supplement) that day but I hadn't had a chance to look at it. I immediately tore it open to find that it wasn't SuzySaid, but rather Finding Amy...Again - this blog - that they were talking about! I was floored.

My childhood friends like to tease me about my "celebrity status" in Charlottesville. I remind them that while Charlottesville might be nationally known because we're home to things like UVA and Monticello, it's actually fairly small. Being a "celebrity" is kind of like being WBLAHS Homecoming Queen (which I was not, btw).

But I have to admit that getting noted in C Magazine - a trendy, hip publication - felt pretty cool.

Thanks, Caite White - you made my day.

Back to Reality

2010-12-04T17:51:00.002-05:00

Getting back to reality after visiting my parents is always hard. I feel so incredibly relaxed when I'm home that I even manage to sleep well (when I don't wear five layers of running clothes and my shoes to bed). I'm blessed with really easy going parents we don't have those stereotypical stress-laden family holidays. Even when we're really busy (as we were this past trip) it still feels really relaxing. (Starting cocktail hour at 3pm always helps, too).

Unfortunately the Spicy Chicken and I both wound up with killer chest colds upon our return. Neither of us could breath well enough on Monday morning to run up the stairs to wake the girls, let alone make it through an hour with Hyam. Fortunately for us (unfortunately for her) she also caught some crud over the holidays so we got off easy.

If you've been reading this blog fairly regularly you might be thinking "This girl's a freakin' hypochondriac!" But I swear I'm not. Somehow I've had more stupid colds in the past 3 months than I've had in the past 3 years! It's frustrating because missing that many days (the week I was in MN plus a few extra since I've been home) sets you back a few steps, whether you realize it or nor.

And let me tell you - I realized it Friday when I finally got back in the studio. W-O-W - it was tough. On the other hand, Saturday morning's cycling class felt so good I was almost disappointed when she said it was our last song...Almost.

Breakfast Is Back

2010-12-04T11:02:00.006-05:00

A week or so ago I posted that I was struggling with eating in the morning and therefore, struggling through my workout. I got some great feedback both here and on my Facebook Page about how others rev themselves up in the morning, and it really rejuvenated me. I have a tendency to get stuck in a rut when it comes to eating healthy, so a few new ideas (or reminding me of old ideas) helped me get back on track.

The first thing I embraced was oatmeal. I'd forgotten how much I like oatmeal and just how filling it is. For extra nutrition and the protein I really need to sustain a killer session at Clay I add in a handful of nuts (I prefer almonds) and some blueberries. Berries are pretty expensive this time of year so I'm probably going to have to go to frozen soon, but KK and M love them too and they pack so much nutrition into a small package that it seems worth the expense for now.

I also renewed my love for greek yogurt this week. Apparently eating the same thing every day for months will tire you of it - who knew? But after a few weeks vacation yogurt and I are back on good terms. On workout days I get crazy and add in a little granola. It's pretty high in fat and calories, but a little goes a long way so I don't feel too guilty. My favorite is Bear Naked's Fit Vanilla Almond Crunch. One serving (1/4 cup) has 120 calories, 2.5 g of fat, 2 g of fiber and just 4 g of sugar. I stir about an 1/8 cup in and it fuels me for the morning. Hyam would prefer that I eat the plain and sweeten it with honey, but I haven't quite come around to that taste yet.

Finally, I decided to take the bagel off the "Devil List". Don't get excited - I realize these days most bagels could feed an entire small country for a week. They can, however, also be a decent source for breakfast if you do it right. No super-sized shmear of cream cheese here - just a half a whole wheat bagel topped with a tablespoon of peanut butter and banana slices. It's a good start to the day - and you've got your carb craving curbed before 9am!

So Long Sugar

2010-11-30T23:16:00.002-05:00

An interesting thing happened tonight when the girls and I were shopping for and working on their gingerbread houses for the Virginia Gingerbread Christmas contest (we bought the pre-made houses but decorated them with our own stuff). The sugar, frosting, candy, cookies - even the pretzels - did not appeal to me. Nothing about any of it made me want to eat it. Nothing. It actually nauseated me.

For most people this wouldn't be such a big deal but for a big girl with a sweet tooth like mine it's a pretty major thing. I didn't get to where I was by eating enormous meals or tons of fast food - I got there by sneaking little bites of sugar here, there and well, everywhere.

While they created their masterpieces (and popped candy corn, gum drops and jelly beans into their mouths when they thought I wasn't looking) I actually ate tomato soup and carrots with hummus.

Who say you can't teach an old dog new tricks?

The Frozen 5K

2010-11-29T19:29:00.002-05:00

This is what I would've called the post I wrote after the "Fast Before The Feast" on Thanksgiving morning had I not chickened out.

The weather forecasters were calling for "the coldest Thanksgiving Day in a decade" in White Bear Lake, Minnesota that day. The HIGH was supposed to be 12 degrees - and yes, that's Farenheit! Seriously? In Charlottesville I start running indoors when it gets below 40! At first I was I was determined to not let a little cold get me down. The chill in the air when we stepped off the airplane, however, quickly reminded me that even though in my heart I will always be a Minnesota Girl, the rest of my body is not quite as convinced.

I met my friends at a bar the night before the race completely convinced that it was too cold to run and figured they'd be on board. Guess what? They actually thought it would be FUN! I should've known better than to think Jess, my long-time buddy Chris's adorable, size zero, runner girlfriend and my tiny, super woman, marathoner BFF Jenny would wimp out. But Chris? He's a professional golfer who dislikes the cold almost as much as I do. I thought for sure I could talk him into bloody mary's in the warm confines of a local bar. But even he was on the "freezing your ass off bandwagon". What was I going to do?

After an evening of taking a lot of grief for being a wimp (and several other unrelated inadequacies) I was actually starting to believe I could do it. Jess gave me a guilt-ridden speech about how she signed up for the race to support me and my journey (yes, I almost cried) and my friend Beth's husband had me writing victory blog posts in my head and visualizing myself coming across the finish line wearing a Charlottesville T-shirt with frozen tears of pride dripping down my face (though in my mind I kept seeing snot icicles instead).

I went back to my parents house that night and changed directly into every layer of running clothes I had packed - shoes included (why didn't I invest in those SmartWool socks???). It was nearly 1:30am and I had gone out that night thinking I wasn't going to do this race so I hadn't exactly prepped properly (my pre-race meal does not usually include bloody mary's). I figured I'd need to be ultra-prepared and even threw on my shoes. I set the alarm for 6:30am (a mere 5 hours away!) and settled into bed with visions of frostbite dancing in my head.

When alarm went off the next morning I wearily rose from the bed, walked straight out the back door onto my parents deck, took one slow, frozen breath in, and returned promptly to my warm, cozy, down comforter-covered bed with every intention of getting back up in "just a few minutes".

And that was the end of my Frozen 5 K dreams. I awoke a few hours later feeling refreshed and completely guilt ridden. Chris, Jess, and Jenny (with her two sons!) all completed the race with great times and minimal effects from the hypothermia. Jess managed to come in 40th overall out of 380 (yes, there are that many crazy people out there!) - and 6th for females with a time of 23:43! And my buddy Chris (who, though a star hockey goalie in his youth had never run more than 1.5 miles prior to this race) followed not too far behind her at 28:27. Jen and the boys all averaged about an 8 minute mile, too. I was clearly out of my league!

While I left Minnesota on Sunday sans souvenir race tee and my pride, I did come away from with a few valuable lessons learned. 1) I do not like the cold. 2) My friends are really awesome runners, 3) I should not commit to something I cannot complete, and 4) Some traditions - like the one where we spend Thanksgiving at the condo in Hilton Head - are really good ones! Join me there in 2011 for the The Hilton Head Bridge Run - where temperature will not be an excuse!

Note to Self:

2010-11-18T14:13:00.000-05:00

It is a bad idea to sit on your ass for five hours straight the day after a big workout with Hyam. Doing so apparently allows the lactic acid to build up in amounts so great you may not be able to get up.

OUCH!

Morning Sickness

2010-11-18T11:41:00.002-05:00

NO I AM NOT PREGNANT

But I got your attention, didn't I?

I didn't title this "Morning Sickness" just for that reason though. I am honestly struggling with feeling ill in the morning. This isn't caused by pregnancy, however, but by my diet and exercise. Go figure.

Most people have experienced that feeling like you're going to throw up when you work out extremely hard or run super fast or whatever it is you choose to do for exercise. So you'd think that after working out with Hyam for 6 months I'd be past that, right? Wrong. Well, kind of wrong. I was doing great until recently when changes in my appetite have thrown everything off. I suddenly cannot eat in the mornings.

We've all heard that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. This goes double for those trying to lose weight that food gets your metabolism going. When you sleep (and therefore fast) your metabolism slows down. If it goes too long without food your body starts to think it's in starvation mode and slows down even more - NOT what a dieter wants. So, eating is essential to losing weight. Counterintuitive, but true.

When I was overweight (or more overweight than I am now) I had a horrible habit of eating in the middle of the night. I've never been a good sleeper so waking up 3-4 times a night was pretty normal for me and I'd eventually find my way to the kitchen (sound familiar, dad?). So instead of being in fasting mode my metabolism was kicking in in the middle of the night. By the time I got up for breakfast I was ravenous. Needless to say, I've always been a good breakfast eater. Until now.

For the past few weeks my usual routine - make coffee, start a load of laundry, get the kids out of bed, fix breakfast and send kids off to school - has been thrown off. Usually once the kids are out the door I sit down with a Greek yogurt or scrambled egg whites. Lately, however, even the thought of repulses me. So I grab a piece of toast, an extra cup 'o joe and "go" to work (in the next room).

Before I know it's 9:10. I need to be out the door in 4 minutes to get to Clay on time and I still have an empty stomach. My body has now been fasting for 12-15 hours and though it is trying to tell me that it's not happy about it, I can neither find anything that appeals to me nor that I have time to digest before the workout.

On average I expend about 500 calories per one hour workout at Clay. It doesn't take a genius to figure that attempting to do a workout like this on a 15 hour fast is NOT a good idea. Even if I don't puke (which I haven't yet) I won't have a good workout, so I throw a banana down while driving and hope for the best.

I'm not stupid. I know I need to eat. But the balance of eating enough to sustain your body while trying to lose weight isn't as easy as it sounds. This time I'm not actually trying to starve myself - I'm just not hungry the way I used to be. But the fact remains that food is fuel for the body and if you are going to expect it to perform at a certain level you have to fuel it to do so.

So what do you eat to fuel your body before workouts?

As Seen on TV

2010-11-15T19:31:00.000-05:00

Every once and awhile I mention my job as Editor and Owner of SuzySaid Charlottesville and the news segment Jason Hull and I do on CBS19 - C'ville Plugged In. I don't post about it a lot, however, because that really isn't the purpose behind this blog and I don't want to seem like a shameless self-promoter (which I guess is ironic, as what else is a blog about yourself if it's not shameless self-promoting!?!). Earlier this week, however, I was reminded of how connected this "journey" is with the rest of my world.

A few weeks back I was interviewed on WINA's Real Life with Jennifer Till radio show. When asked about how I maintain balance with such a busy life I naturally stated that exercise was key. I couldn't say this without mentioning Hyam, of course, and even went so far as to say "It's totally changed my life." (being on the spot like that isn't as easy as it's seems). I texted Hyam after the show and said I hoped she didn't mind the dramatic nature of that statement because it sounds like one of those things that people just say, but I really meant it.

Being stronger and thinner has done so much more for me than make my clothes fit better (or worse, as they are now too big!). It's changed the way I carry myself, my self-esteem, my relationships with people and even the way I do my job.

As I was leaving the the Newsplex the other night Jim Hanchett remarked that I was doing a great job with the segment. This meant a lot to me because, as you all know, television work is not my regular thing, and I admittedly started out a little shaky on camera (okay, a lot shaky). This was partially because it was new to me - I'm a writter, not a tv reporter - but mostly it was the result of my fear of having to be seen. Being behind the computer the past few years made it easy for me to hide my weight issues. When Marijean asked if I'd consider taking her spot when she stepped down I was honored, thrilled at what a great opportunity it would be and scared out of my mind. Not so much because I didn't think I could handle it, but rather because I'd have to come out from hiding behind the computer now. What if people saw me and thought "That fat cow is SuzySaid???" What if they were disappointed?

For the first few months I never watched myself because it hurt to see how big I was (and yes, the camera really does add 10 pounds - you'd be amazed at how skinny those reporters are in real life!). Recently, however, I decided I needed to dedicate a little more of my time to making those 3 minutes I have on screen as good as they can be - and that meant facing myself.

It's not easy to see yourself on tv. Even watching last week's segment was difficult and it was one of my better one's to date. I've lost 20 pounds since I started the show, however, though my confidence is nowhere near it's peak, it's much higher than it was 6 months ago. Even my posture exudes a feeling that wasn't there in the beginning. I still look like disheveled cow sitting next to Tiffani Sargent, of course, but there aren't too many people who wouldn't look bad next to her.

And while I'm sure you all watch my segment ritualistically here it is just in case you missed one when it changed from Tuesday to Wednesday last night. Who knows, you might even learn something!

50% Off

2010-11-14T19:20:00.001-05:00

First I'd like to report that I'm over my whining back to my spunky self. Whew!

I got on the scale this morning and am pleased to report that I am back to 20! Yep - 50% off just in time for Black Friday. This means that I have about 20 (give or take a few) left to go and I'm back to where I want to be. Wow!

I recognize that heading into the holidays moving down the scale isn't going to be easy, but I'm ready to take it one day at a time.

Right Now

2010-11-10T21:50:00.001-05:00

I started writing a post about how I missed class Monday (which I will be making up on Friday) due to work and how I'm struggling to find balance...blah - blah - blah

I changed my mind on posting it, however, because one of my goals for this blog was to be real and honest. While that post was both of those things, it's not how I'm feeling right now. Right now I'm grumpy, frustrated and in pain because in the middle of a great workout this morning I f'd up my hip flexor again. I hoped maybe it was just a little twinge, but by the time we were done I was in a lot of pain and I knew it wasn't good.

Don't feel too sorry for me - it's nothing that a lot of ice and a little rest won't fix. It does, however, really piss me off because I feel like every time I get momentum I end up hurting something and it pushes me back down. I know that what I need to do - have to do - is just jump back up again, but sometimes it's okay to just sit and pout, right? Okay, maybe not.

It's actually been awhile since I've had an injury, so I probably should've expected this would happen, but it doesn't come at a welcome time. The holidays are around the corner and exercise such a key stress reducer for me, not to mention all the necessary calorie burning (egg nog, anyone?). And I'm heading home to White Bear in less than two weeks. I was kind of hoping to drop a few extra lbs before then. Silly, I know, but true.

I also came to the conclusion this week that my body is just not ready for the 10K I was planning on doing on Thanksgiving Day. I'll still be running that morning, but only a 5K. M, my dad are going to run/walk it. My BFF (the beautiful, skinny marathoner!) and her family are joining in and so is another childhood friend, so it will be a blast. But I still can't tell you how much I hate that I had to back off one of my goals.

Strength

2010-11-08T21:14:00.004-05:00

I write a lot on here about physical strength, but I think emotional strength and strength of character are extremely important aspects of a person's make up, too. I was blessed this weekend with the opportunity to honor a very good friend whose strength I admire, and it got me thinking about my own.

We spent Saturday evening at the American Cancer Society Pavilion Ball, where my friend Chrissy was honored for her tremendous strength during her fight against breast cancer this past year. We were all pretty dumbfounded when we got the news of her diagnosis. She was only 39 years old, had three young kids and was a strong, active person. Chrissy is the kind of person who does more in a day than most people do in a week. This certainly couldn't be true. But it was. And within a few days the words mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation became a part of our every day lives.

True to her self, she took the disease head on and fought it off with extreme toughness and dignity. She barely slowed down through hundreds of appointments, chemo, radiation, and the regular craziness of running her family's daily life. We lectured her about taking it easy sometimes, but knew also that keeping busy was something she needed to do for herself.

When her hair started to fall out she didn't mourn the loss - she threw a head shaving party instead! In support her husband shaved his too. (And she kindly requested he not do that ever again). At a birthday party one night while dancing with friends Chrissy took off her wig because it was getting so hot. She remained without it the rest of the night. I remember thinking how gorgeous she looked - and how courageous she was. I couldn't help but wonder if I was in her position, would I be able to be that strong?

Below are a few pics from Saturday night. As you can see, Chrissy is doing fabulous and looking even more beautiful than ever. We had a fabulous time celebrating her strength, courage and her life!

Halloween

2010-11-04T23:06:00.000-04:00

I'd like to be able to say that all that Halloween didn't have a negative effect on me but I'd be lying - something I'm not so good at. It's actually not all the crap in the girls trick-or-treat baskets that's killing me (they got a lot of stuff!) but rather the bowl full sugar on the dining room table that's killing me.

You see, we didn't actually get one "official" trick-or-treater on Halloween night. We live in a neighborhood full of kid that is actually inundated with "drop-off trick-or-treaters". Though this is the 3rd year we've lived here and we've had very few in the past, I somehow thought this year would be different so despite my initial attempt to steer clear of things that I knew I'd eat by buying non-chocolate containing treats - I not only purchased the Swedish Fish and Sour Patch Kids I thought I'd never eat (but realized I LOVED!) but also a few small bags of Snickers and Milky Ways. What a mistake.

We did get two "unofficial" doorbell rings, of which I gave out a handful or two to, of course. There was KK - who managed to fool me despite the fact that she lives in this very house - and M and her BFF who came all the way from her house on the opposite end of the neighborhood where they were having a birthday party. I figured that since I'm so elated that her BFF moved in to our neighborhood last week I had to reward that a little. As I am related to both ringers, however, I can't actually consider either part of the "official" count.

So, as of today it's Halloween 1 - Amy - 0.

Swim, Bike, Sleep

2010-11-01T20:59:00.010-04:00

It's Monday, which means I got my butt kicked on the bike this morning. I was a few minutes late to class because the kids didn't have school today and I actually had a wake KK up at 9:15 - which never happens (post-Halloween sugar coma?). I almost skipped class to let her sleep, but then I thought better of it. Damn me and my public promises.

Then this afternoon I took the girls and a few friends to the new Smith Aquatic Center. It's a nice pool with a great kids area, two water slides and a decent diving well. One of the bonuses of having swimmers for kids is that they don't need (or want) me to watch them, let alone hang out with them in the pool. But they are only 8 & 10 so I have to be there. So, what do you do when you're in you swimsuit at the pool, you don't need to be chasing little kids anymore and cocktails aren't an option? Here's a crazy idea - how about swimming?

I won't lie. Even after all the miles I've logged running and biking over the past few months swimming laps wasn't easy. Truthfully it was hard. I was winded after my first 6 laps. I continued on, however, and completed 34 (with periodic breaks to check that the kids were still alive - I did have the neighbor kids, too, afterall) which is about 1/2 a mile.

What are the chances that Hyam's kids, who happened to be at the pool at a birthday party, remember to tell her not only that they saw me there but that I was actually swimming? Because the way I see it that was a bonus workout - I deserve a little extra credit for it.

And as for the third leg of today's triathlon - [[sleep]] - I just swallowed my Lunesta and hope to be accomplishing it very soon too. Good night!

Wonder Woman

2010-10-28T19:52:00.002-04:00

During our workout yesterday something very strange happened - Hyam's elbow dislocated. Right there in front of us, while doing an inverted plank it just popped right out. Thank God she was leaning on both arms because without that stability it surely would've popped right out of her skin. Yes, it was that bad.

I'd like to say that we all reacted calmly and helpfully, but truthfully most of us had no clue what to do. The lone guy in our group (who is obviously an amazing person because he puts up with us twice a week and is always in good spirits) pulled it together quickly enough to ask "What do you need us to do?" while the rest of us stared in horror.

What did she need us to do? Nothing, of course, because she's Hyam and she's not just another pretty face with rock hard abs. She's a frickin' rockstar. She somehow, despite the pain, mustered up the strength pop her elbow back in on her own (while the rest of of gawked). Push - POP - and then "okay everyone - feet on the quad for tricep push ups." Ummmmm....okay.....

She finished the class with just a little less than her normal gusto and a lot of "Are you sure"s and "Hyam, don't do that!"s. We could all tell she was in pain - not to mention that we could see her elbow swelling like a balloon - but we stood by our fearless leader lunging, squatting, curling and wondering - "who the hell is this woman anyway? Wonder Woman? She-Ra?" Nope - she's better than that - she's Hyam.

And yes, I want to be as awesome as her when I grow up.

Feed a Fever & Sweat a Cold?

2010-10-28T07:33:00.004-04:00

I could feel it coming on a few nights ago - a stupid, stinkin' cold. Not the kind of cold that knocks you on your butt, but rather the kind that makes you feel just bad enough to pout but not bad enough to miss work. There it was - creeping it's way into my body.

I tossed, turned, coughed, and sniffed throughout the night, finally retreating to the guest bedroom so the Spicy Chicken wouldn't have to suffer too (he needs his beauty sleep, you know). After a few hours of fitful sleep the sun rose and I was moving, albeit slowly, into my day.

It was Wednesday which, as you know, means a morning workout at Clay, followed by an afternoon at Leadership Charlottesville. I'll admit I considered "calling in sick" but thought better of it seeing as I just vowed to y'all that I wouldn't miss any more classes. Besides, it was just a little cold.

When I got to class I made a bee-line for Hyam, making sure to let her know that I was a little under the weather. I didn't want her to think I was slacking off (or call me out in the middle of class for doing so!). I won't lie - it kind of sucked. This cold had made it's home not in it's usual place - my sinuses - but was rattling around in my chest making breathing somewhat of a chore. I tend to find breathing in class difficult anyway, so this was particularly challenging. I took a few extra breathers, coughed out a little phlegm while everyone else was doing lunges, and slacked off a little on some of the cardio, but I survived.

Actutally, I did more than survive. By the time the hour was up I actually felt pretty good. My chest had almost cleared, my headache was gone and I was starting to feel human again. Had all that sweating cured my cold? It felt like it.

For years the Spicy Chicken has swore to me that when he got a cold that "sweating it out" made him feel better. I thought he was crazy, though it often seemed to work - at least temporarily - for him. I did a little research (emphasis on little) to see if there was any basis to the "sweating it out" theory and didn't find much to substantiate it. Ironically, however, I did open my Real Simple magazine last night to find an article on dealing with colds that suggested "cardio" as a remedy.

At the end of the class one of my classmates said "You are either going to feel much better tonight - or much, much worse." And she was right. If you watched my C'ville Plugged In segment tonight you know which one came true. Is it bad to sleep with a bottle of Nyquil?

In hindsight I realize that it wasn't smart to put my own needs ahead of the health of my classmates and I would've been better off to keep my germs at home. So my apologies to them for my lack of discretion on this matter. Hope to see you all happy and healthy on Monday!

The Down Side of Up

2010-10-27T19:29:00.000-04:00

There are times when being bipolar works to my advantage. For instance, last Friday I ran about 10 errands, managed to clean the house, walk the dog, write 5 articles for SuzySaid, finish a draft for a magazine, draft 3 blog posts, bake cookies, make dinner and cart the kids around to their activities all before 5pm and was rearing to go that night. It also worked great in college when I needed to stay up all night to study (yes dad, I did that occasionally) and definitely worked to my advantage when I had two kids under the age of two - neither who slept through the night - and a husband who traveled every week.

One of the disadvantages, however, is that I have no choice about when these "ups" are going to hit. Last night, for instance, was not great timing. I slept for maybe a total of 2 hours - none of which was uninterrupted. I sat up, wide awake until 3:30am. Once I laid down it wasn't working so switched from bed to couch to guest bed to guest couch without ever falling into a deep sleep. Sometimes I even eat during these periods of wakefulness, something I've almost managed to mitigate in the past few months (last night I ate two granola bars, however). I have no idea how long this will last or when I will crash, but I know eventually I will. In the mean time, however, I have to figure out ways to both use this unbelievable amount of energy, as well as contain it when necessary (like during my 4 hour Leadership Charlottesville session this afternoon, for instance).

Of course there are ways to treat these manic episodes pharmacologically. Through the years, because I'm not truly diagnosed as bi-polar, but rather cyclyothymic, we've determined it works best for me to be solely on an anti-depressant. I'm thankful for this, as mood stabilizers, quite frankly, scare the hell out of me (lithium? no thank you). I've been dealing with this for many years so I've learned to keep my episodes in check fairly well, but occasionally I find myself talking too much and too fast (even more than usual), buying a few more pairs of shoes than I should, or, of course, eating uncontrollably.

And if I don't catch myself I can always count on the Spicy Chicken to say something "helpful" like "Are you feeling a little manic today?" which always pisses me off....because he's right.

"Nothing tastes as good...

2010-10-25T11:39:00.000-04:00

...as skinny feels." This quote was made famous by Kate Moss a few years back. I'm not up for debating Kate Moss but I would argue that it's not so much being skinny that feels so good, but rather being healthy and being strong.

(Plus, I'm fairly sure if given a few minutes I could come up with a list of things that come pretty close to tasting as good, if not better, than being skinny).

This is what feeling good looks like to me!

Healthy, strong and thin!

I got up this morning with a renewed sense of what I needed to do and how I needed to get there (making a public promise to get back on track is a fairly strong motivator). Still, I found myself calculating the time it would take me to get everything I needed to get done before I could crawl back into bed. That desire, however, disappeared quickly while at Clay this morning.

I'm not going to lie - getting back on that bike wasn't easy. I struggled through some of the challenges, but it felt great. I worked off over 500 calories and walked out of there ready to start checking things off my list.

Here's the crazy part - what made me feel so great wasn't a Diet Coke (I haven't had one) or the leftover donut from Carter Mountain (it's still there) or a few extra hours of sleep (though I could still use those) - but rather eating a healthy breakfast and exercising. Go figure.

Who feels good now, Kate Moss?

Derailed

2010-10-24T21:45:00.000-04:00

One of the hard parts about writing like this is that you

have to admit when you're struggling...

I've gotten a little off track the past few weeks. I have a million excuses as to why (marriage, kids, dogs, friends, work, life, commitments, laziness....) but in reality none of them really matter. These things will always be there in some way, and unless I find a way to work around them my weight problem will always be with me, too.

I've spent hours justifying to myself that donut that I ate at Carter Mountain today - the class I missed last week for a work meeting - and the extra cocktail (or two) I had during the UVA game... What it comes down to, however is that if I truly want to change I have to keep my priorities straight - with with my health coming first. I lost track of that a few years back and look where that got me.

I've even found myself thinking "Well, I've only gained back a few pounds..." Only a few pounds??? It took me weeks to lose those pounds! Plus, it's SO much more than that. I have no energy, I'm not sleeping well, and I feel all around crappier than I have in months. How in the world did I Iet this happen? It's pretty easy, actually, which is why I need to stop myself RIGHT NOW.

So, I'm vowing today to get back on track. I promise to:

Not miss any more classes with Hyam this program
Start logging my food intake on a regular basis
Limit alcohol consumption
Make my health and fitness a top priority in my life, and
Get off this plateau and back on track!

It feels good just to say it -

imagine how great it will be when I do it!

Discovery

2010-10-19T09:25:00.001-04:00

I made an amazing discovery today...I have ribs!

Ok, you're right, I do have a biology degree so I actually knew they were there somewhere all along protecting my lungs, but I hadn't seen them in years so I was having a hard time believing it. But there they were today, poking out at me.

Ok, again, you're right. "poking out" might be somewhat of an exaggeration, but when they've been covered under so much for so long, any view of them feels pretty major, so can we go with "almost poking out"? Please?

Wow - if I keep doing this exercise thing I may even find out I have hip bones. I seem to remember seeing them back in the 90's - what are the chances they're still there?

Feeling Comfortable in My Genes

2010-10-17T22:29:00.000-04:00

This is a post I wrote a few weeks ago when my mom was visiting.

I wasn't sure if I should post it or not. Still not sure...

Today was a momentous one for me in relation to my weight loss in a couple different ways.

First, you know that pair of jeans in your closet that doesn't fit you anymore but you still hang on to because you absolutely love them and you're just so sure you're going to be able to fit into them again? I fit into mine today! The cutest pair of Banana Republic cropped boyfriend jeans from over 6 years ago that I wore only once (before seeing my gorgeous, skinny neighbor in the same pair and realized they didn't look anything like that on me) and vowed I'd get my big 'ol butt in them properly some day. Well, today was that day!

Secondly, it was the first time I'd seen my mom since I started this weight loss journey five months ago. Let me first state that I adore my mother with all of my heart. However, in addition to being wonderful, kind, caring, thin, and beautiful she also has a slight obsession with weight (namely mine). It's kind of difficult to write about because not only do I not want to hurt her feelings, but it's been a contentious issue for many years - one that rather than argue about we tend to sweep under the rug. I am only brave enough to write this now because I know she can't read it as the only computer in our household happens to be in my hot little hands. Sorry mom.

Don't be a hater though. My mom's mild preoccupation with my weight is truly out of love. She wants me to be happy and healthy - there's nothing wrong with that. Considering my genetic make-up it's normal to be concerned about what could've happened to me if I were to have continued to spiral out of control (hyper-tension, heart disease, cancer....and that's just the first page of my dad's medical history!). Sometimes, however, the way in which she expressed her motherly love felt more like disappointment to me that it was meant to.

What it comes down to is this: my parents raised a perfectionist. I was this way not because they expected perfection from me (they didn't), but because that is how I was (am!) wired. When I got older, however, I found myself doing everything possible to shake that damn perfectionist because I had realized something...I was not, nor would I ever be perfect. Once I realized this it occurred to me that no matter what I did I was obviously going to let everyone down so might as well just become the antithesis of perfect which, to me at the time, was fat.

That didn't go over real well for Joycy because a) she loves me b) she loves my family c) she knew I was hurting and using the fat to hide that - she's my mom after all, she can see through anything - even layers of adipose tissue! So when my few extra pounds appeared to be turning into an extra 40 pounds she took notice and attempted to help. The only problem was - what's that old addage - you can't help someone if they don't want to be helped? That was me.

Things are different now, though, and I just couldn't wait to show her that her little girl was done hiding. She was, not surprisingly, thrilled to see the changes.

Yep, even at 37 years old a daughter still craves her mother's approval.

Completion

2010-10-12T19:21:00.002-04:00

So last time I wrote I was whining about how freaked out I was about the Real Girls Run. I'm happy to report that I not only survived, but I felt pretty darn good about it. Getting there wasn't easy, but it was worth it.

My stomach continued to churn the entire car ride there - so much so I was a little afraid I'd have to stop at McDonald's to hit the restroom and "accidentally" get swept up by an Egg McMuffin. I treaded on, however, and was thankful that I did.

Fortunately I ran into a few friends immediately after arriving at the race. I was fine until I realized the iPod I had spent hours creating an amazing playlist on wasn't working. I knew this was a possibility - it was, after all, a 2nd Generation iPod Shuffle (read: O-L-D) but I couldn't believe it was happening just a few minutes before the race started. I'd never actually run without music before and was fairly sure it wasn't possible, so ran back to the car to grab my phone. By the time I got there, however, the old iPod somehow started working (maybe because I stopped beating on it?) and I was saved.

A few minutes later we were off. I felt surprisingly calm and comfortable at the beginning - a feeling which, miraculously, stayed with me for the entire race. I did what most novice racers do - let my adrenalin get the best of me came out of the gates a little more quickly than I should have. I was, however, able to handle the bulk of the race at an average of a 10-minute mile. It's not a fast pace, but one that worked well for me at this point.

Ironically, my shins, which have been the biggest hindrance to my running career, didn't bother me one bit. Even three days after the race they felt fine. Thanks again adrenalin.

I saw Court, the girls and my mom as I rounded the last corner. When they came into view I attempted to sprint to the finish line. My legs, however, weren't really on the same page as my brain, so I'm fairly certain I may have slowed down rather than sped up. It was a pretty pathetic ending, but at least I made it.

My official time was 39:17. Slow, but complete. I was happy that I did it and actually felt good enough after to start thinking about signing up for a few more. First up is the the Cale 5K Fun Run on October 30. M has been participating in the Running Club at school for the past month preparing it, so that's one we won't miss. And then I think I may have committed to a Turkey Trot or something like that in Minnesota at Thanksgiving with that crazy marathon running friend of mine.

Wait....isn't is freakin' cold in Minnesota in November????

It's Time

2010-10-09T06:24:00.000-04:00

In a few minutes I will be walking out the door to the "Real Girls Run" - my first race in about 6 years. I use the word "race" only because this is what it is technically is, but for me there will be no "racing". For me it's just a little 3.75 mile jog along the Rivanna River.

Who am I kidding? It's so much more to me than "just a little jog" for me. I am terrified. While I am starting to enjoy running, I am still NOT a runner. And even though I am starting to enjoy running I actually loathe running with other people. It's "only" 3.75 miles, which I realize really isn't that far - my BFF did a frickin' marathon last weekend and she's still alive - but she is a runner (and is absolutely amazing!) - and for me 3.75 miles might as well be a marathon - it will feel like that to me at least.

Truth be told it is taking everything in me not to crawl back into bed right now - that and the fact that I've blogged and tweeted about doing this damn race to millions of people so there really isn't any turning back now. On the other hand, the beauty of being an on-line writer is that most people don't even really know what you look like so maybe nobody would notice if I wasn't there? They probably wouldn't notice, nor would anyone really care, except me, that is. I guess it's time to face my fears.

See you at the finish line!

With A Little Help From My Friends

2010-09-29T21:42:00.001-04:00

I had to post a few pictures taken at the Charlottesville-Albemarle SPCA Critter Ball this weekend because it was such a great night at CHO (not to mention that I couldn't have even thought about fitting into a vintage dress back in May!). Wearing a dress that's shaped like a tent does make it a little easier to hide your flaws though - thank you 1960's fashion designers!

I'm actually not a huge Beatles fan but I've always loved the song "With a Little Help From My Friends". Probably because friends have always been a big part of my life - and right now is no exception. My friends (far & near - new & not-so-new) have been so amazing during "My Journey". I'd never have been able to make all these changes without their help or through the down times without their support. And let's face it, it doesn't exactly suck when people notice that you've lost weight (and my friends have been SO kind about mentioning it!).

Though I definitely wasn't on my best behavior this night (who knew losing a few pounds would make me such a lightweight?!?) I've managed to keep on track over the past few weeks. At one point I hit a brief plateau in both numbers and motivation, but I quickly jumped back on the wagon and am moving forward toward that goal once again. Hyam got incredible new bikes at the studio which allow my shins a break from the running one day a week and, I have to admit, I totally love the change of pace cycling brings. Don't tell Hyam though - I wouldn't want her to think I'm enjoying myself!

Thanks to the fabulous SPCA Critterball Committee, the amazing people at CHO and, of course their fearless leader, my friend Barbara Hutchinson who, on top of being one of Charlottesville's most amazing women, is making incredible strides on her own journey right now. Oh, and she's a darn good photographer, too! (Thanks, Barbara!)

The sun was setting when we arrived - what a gorgeous view from CHO!

Can you believe this is an airplane hanger? It was amazing!

Outside the hanger was a beautiful cocktail hour

and fabulous silent auction (that Ginger rocked!)

The Newsplex represented with my buddy Dan Schutte

(who was a dance contestant last year)

and the gorgeous Jessica Jaglois

(not to mention some stellar dancing by Travis Koshko later in the evening}

Ginger's dress and Preston's big win stole the show!

Sasha and I were looking and feeling groovy

And we were lucky enough to pick up these two while we were there!

I Have a Confession To Make

2010-09-28T23:06:00.000-04:00

I think I am actually starting to enjoy this running thing. Yes, me, who even in my fittest days would whine when we had to run laps at tennis and practically cried every time the coach made us do Killers in basketball. Me - who just a few months ago could barely make it to the end of Elliott Street (where Clay Fitness is located) - is starting to actually enjoy it.

Don't get too excited about this. I didn't say I LOVED it and I'm not signing up for any marathons or crazy shit like that. I'm just not wanting to die, cry or curse Hyam's name as I'm doing it anymore. I've been running three miles almost every day I'm not at Clay and I even signed up for a 6K in October (Real Girls Run - want to join me?). It's insanity, I know.

Hyam's getting a big group together to run the Charlottesville Fall Classic 10K for Clay and I don't think I'm quite ready for that yet (mentally or physically) but who knows....maybe next year?

Shrinking

2010-09-18T09:00:00.002-04:00

I've been working out with Hyam for four months and I'm happy to say that I've lost 17 pounds. I'm down two pants sizes and one shirt size. I'm almost comfortable wearing a tank top in public and I even rocked a super short mini skirt a the Lady GaGa concert without feeling too self-conscious. The most remarkable change, however, has been in the size of my feet. Yep, you read that right - my FEET ARE SHRINKING!

I first noticed it back in August when I put on my favorite pair of super high black heels on my anniversary. You know that pair that you just had to have at the store because they were just soooo perfect? So perfect until you actually wore them out and realized they kill your feet but they are so beautiful you wear them anyway? Those. They apparently hurt so much the last time I wore them that they made an impression on the Spicy Chicken because when I took the out he remarked, "Please don't wear those - your feet will be killing you in an hour." I, of course, completely ignored him, put them on and marched out the door.

I knew immediately that something was different (they fit!). They even felt , dare I say, a little roomy. I made it through the entire night in those shoes - including a 5 minute accidental hike through the Keswick golf course due to a wrong turn on our "romantic walk" - without one single complaint.

So you'd probably think that was the end of my story, but no - it gets better!

A few weeks later I found myself shuffling through the racks at TJ Maxx when I saw them - the most perfect, beautiful pair of red, patent leather heels. They seemed to be calling my name so I started toward them. But wait - they were in the 71/2 section and somewhere between now and college I'd grown to an 8 - sometimes even an 8 1/2 - I'd never fit into those. But there they sat - glistening in the incandescent light - whispering my name. I couldn't resist - I just had to try them on. And guess what??? Yep - they fit!

If I'm this excited about fitting into a pair of shoes can you imagine what's going to happen when I reach my goal weight?

They are really great shoes.

The Search Goes On

2010-09-05T22:41:00.001-04:00

Sorry for the absence - been spending most of my "free"time trouncing through the woods looking for Miley. No, we haven't found her yet, but we are continuing to search. We've gotten a few leads, but she hasn't surfaced yet. I'm sad and frustrated, but still hopeful.

Meanwhile, life has to go on and I've managed to stay on track for the most part. Updates are in progress - will be on tomorrow!

Eating Emotions

2010-08-29T22:28:00.000-04:00

Warning: I'm not my usual sarcastic, witty self tonight. I'm sad and don't feel like pretending I'm not. So if you choose to read this just know it won't make you laugh. I'll be back, though, don't worry.

Why am I so grumpy? Because our dog got lost today and we still haven't found her. Her name is Miley and though she's not the smartest dog out there, she's adorable, faithful and sweet as can be. I'm sad, angry and afraid for her. I know she's just a dog, but I'm a Vigness and to us there is no such thing as "just a dog". (If you've met my dad you understand this).

So why am I writing about this here, in my weight loss blog? Because I allowed my emotions to take over my food choices and opted for a high-calorie, fat-full dinner at a mexican restaurant instead of the healthy baked chicken we were planning on. The correlation? I have no clue, except for this is what I do when I'm stressed - I eat. Then of course I feel horrible afterward and the cycle continues.

I'm going to break the cycle this time, though. I screwed up tonight and ate through my feelings. Tonight is going to be hard because the Spicy Chicken is out of town and Miley sleeps next to me, but tomorrow I will wake up and get back on track. I will eat my healthy yogurt, fresh fruit and whey powder for breakfast. Then I will spend a few hours searching for Miley on foot (she ran off after a deer while off leash biking with the Spicy Chicken in the woods), head to Clay for the first day of my new program, throw down a healthy lunch and then head back out to search for her again.

'll find her and I will be healthy at the same time. Tomorrow.

A Little Help, Please

2010-08-28T09:49:00.000-04:00

I probably should have realized how intense Thursday's workout was when my heart rate monitor reported that I'd worked off nearly 600 calories. Actually, I should have realized it because I was there and I was tired, sweaty, red-faced and exhilarated afterward, but somehow it still didn't register. Even when the Spicy Chicken asked "Are you sore from your workout?" as I gimped down the steps last night I STILL didn't get it.

I was forced, however, to accept the fact that Hyam, once again kicked my ass, when I attempted to change out of my sports bra yesterday evening - about 36 hours after the workout - and had to ask the Spicy Chicken for help getting out of it. I was seriously stuck.

Poor guy probably thought he was going to get lucky when I cried "Can I get your help in the bedroom, please?" Only to find me - one boob half hanging out, the other smushed inside a very unsexy sports bra (the Ta Ta Tamer was in the wash), wincing in pain and pleading for assistance.

He did, however, help me out (literally) and I have to admit that while I hate having to ask for help with anything I do love being sore, so it was worth having to swallow my pride.

Just this once.